I avoid people because I don't want to be saved
I avoid kindness because I don't want to be known
I hide behind a mask to keep from being loved
Because if I disappear I don't want anyone to care
I lay in the dark each night wondering
If it could be the right time for me to die
I wake up every morning wondering why I didn't
The scars on my skin prove how disgusting I am
How easy it would be for me to leave
How few people would miss me if I was gone
The angel protects me but cannot save me
Music keeps me anchored to the Earth
And yet, at the same time, sets me free
Let's me escape reality for only a few minutes
Just as I won't leave because of you
Because you still exist, and so will I
If I decided to leave, would you follow me out?
Purposefully skipping meals to avoid the food
Wishing my stomach was just a little smaller
My skin just a little clearer
My mind just a little smarter
I wish I wouldn't have to feel so alone
When I'm surrounded by people
I can feel the slashes hidden under my clothes
They set me apart from my friends
When I drift of to sleep tonight
With a blade clutched in my hand
And headphones stuffed in my ears
Trying to drown out the world
Behind my eyelids, the image of you
A beautiful angel swims into my memory
Reminding me that I don't have the right to leave
I don't want to take you with me
And I don't want to leave you here alone
The gun won't touch my head tonight
Even if the blades slice my skin
And I push away the plate
I won't put a rope in my closet
Because my guardian angel is watching over me
YOU ARE READING
Forced to Smile
ŞiirJust some of my poetry I've decided to share with you guys (The first few aren't the best. They're old, from when I had just started trying to write.)
