My Ever After

Que Sera Sera

I remember that night. 11 PM. Everything was slipping right out of our hands. It was the night of our junior prom. The night was such a blur. I got so drunk after Ethan told me he wanted to end things because he was leaving for his band. They got signed by Unfaithful Records. I was a mess. My life had gotten so out of hand. The drinking ,the late nights, the partying. That wasn't me. I did all that for him. I felt close to him when we did those things together. A life without Ethan seemed non existent. I thought what we had was love. Despite the numerous times he cheated on me, the trouble I was getting into with my parents, how risky everything was for me, I thought it was worth it. I thought he was worth it. But I was wrong, I didn't love him. I got used to him. I moulded my life around his whims and fancies. I didn't know who I was without him. After those words came out of his mouth, "I don't love you anymore." I wanted to run away. My life was so messed up. Everything was wrong. He never loved me. All that I was, was his toy. No strings attached.

I remember sitting outside on the stands in the field, crying my eyes out, mascara lines running down my face. I knew my friends were probably wondering where I was. Every time Ethan and I broke up, I would disappear. Lock myself in my room and listen to 'Secondhand Serenade' until Emma and Sutton realised my absence at school and decide to come looking for me during their free period. Thayer accompanied them in their almost stereotypical lectures about how Ethan is the wrong guy for me and how he isn't worth the pain after school.

"Serena! There you are. We've been looking for you." I heard Thayer's voice behind me.

"He broke up with me, Thay. He's moving to New York for his band. He's done with me for good this time." I seen Sutton and Emma jogging towards us through my tear filled eyes as Thayer put his arm around me in consolation.

"You're too good for him, S. He's a douche. All he did was use you and string you along." Thayer was always good with these things. I don't know why but he was reassuring. Emma and Sutton overheard the last part of our conversation and figured out what had happened.

"How can you let him break you like this again S? He's not worth it. Thay's right. You're better off without him and you know it." Sutton sat down beside me and held my hand as she said this.

"How am I better off without the person I love?" I mumbled under my breath.

"It's time to move on S." Emma looked me straight in the eyes as she said this.

I just wanted to continue crying. I knew they were right, they always were. I'd known Sutton and Emma since kindergarden. We were neighbors. They knew me better than I knew myself at that point of time. Thayer was a friend I had been close to since grade school. I felt a certain ease in talking to him. Even though I'd known him for a shorter time than Emma and Sutton, he was always the first to know everthing. Sutton, Emma, Thayer and I had 2 classes together ince middle school. They were definitely my best friends. They made me feel wanted when I felt alone and worthless.

"Come on. Let's get you home." Thay said as he stood up.

"I cannot go home like this. I smell of alcohol and there are mascara lines on my face. My parents cannot know that Ethan and I were together." I held my heels in one hand as I stood up using Thayer as a support. "Can I just stay at your place, Em? You're parents sleep early. I'll sneak in and sneak out."

"Sure, but we should leave soon. If Alice is up when we get home she'll blab about the alcohol." Sutton nodded in agreement with Emma. "I'll call a cab." Sutton began to dig through her tiny clutch for her phone..

"I'll drive you guys home. It's not safe in a cab now." We all followed Thayer to his car. I sat in the front while Emma and Sutton sat in the back.

It barely took us fifteen minutes to reach Emma's place. I tiptoed to her room, hoping not to make any noise. She tossed me an over sized hoodie that I usually borrow when I stay over before I could collapse onto her bed. "Hey S?" Emma whispered as she turned out the lights

"Yeah Em?" I replied though I was half asleep.

"If it was meant to work out with Ethan, it would have. Someone better will come along" Emma whispered this to me

"I want someone I can be myself with you know? Someone I've got good chemistry with. Ethan is that guy for me." I was so drunk I can barely remember most of what I said.

"That sounds more like Thay than Ethan. You have great chemistry and he's a great guy. Everyone thinks you have somwthing special with him."

"Thay and I are friends. That's about it."