Sen Cal Kapimi: a different road to

New beginnings

1 months later...

It had been 1 month since Serkan went missing and I was now nearly done with my pregnancy. Just a few weeks left. Serkan had not yet been found, but deep in my heart I know he was is alive. I knew I couldn't fall apart for the baby, but with every passing day it was getting harder to do so. I was on my way to visit Serkan's mother, which I had done regularly since he went missing. I had just come from talking to Deniz. He and I had been looking for Serkan together, ever since he disappeared. The police had long given up, but I didn't want to. I knew he was alive and I knew we would find him someday. I walked into Ayden's house and saw her sitting in the living room. "Ah, Eda! Sit down and have some tea". "Okay". I sit down and grab a cup of tea. Ayden looks beaming and I look at her questioningly. "What's got you smiling like that?" I ask her smiling myself too. It's been a long time, since I've seen her like this. "Eda, I've to tell you something". "Okay..." "Serkan is still alive". I drop the tea cup in shock. "What? How do you know this". "That's what I want to talk to you about, Eda. I've known Serkan is alive for some time now. Since a few days after he went missing". "What?! I say and tears gather in my eyes. "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't he tell me". "He made me swear I wouldn't tell you Eda". "Why?" "He's the only one who can tell you that?" "But you do know why?" She nods. "I do". Tears are now fully streaming down my eyes. "Well he better have a good reason for leaving us". "Eda, he didn't..." "He did. He could've come home sooner, but he didn't. What did he expect me to do? Wait for him for god knows how long, until he decided it was convenient for him to return? I can't believe this. I can't believe that I've been looking for someone who didn't want to be found". I stand up and grab my things. "Eda, don't leave. Let's talk about this, please". "No, I'm done talking. I'm done with all of this. I'm going home".

Later that night...

Ever since I had gotten home, I had been trying to get my bearings. I had been crying all night and the only thing that could comfort me, were my baby's movements. All of a sudden my phone rings and it's an unknown number. I scrunch my face, but answer it anyway. "Hello?" "Eda". I almost drop the phone. It's Serkan. "It's me. Serkan". "Wow he has returned" I say sarcastically. I can hear him sigh. "Please don't be like that Eda. I'm sorry for everything, but this had to be done". "Don't apologize to me, apparently I don't mean that much to you". "Eda, that's not true. It's just that..." "It's just what?" Serkan starts saying something, but I intervene. "You know what? I don't want to hear it. I waited for you for a month, so now you can wait for me". Serkan starts saying something again, but I end the call. I let my head fall into my hands as more tears fall. How am I going to handle this?

The next day...

I arrive at work having gathered my bearings. I cried it all out last night, but now I had moved on to the next stage. Anger. When I came into the office, everyone was clapping since I had received an award. Since Serkan had gone missing, I had been leading the company in his stead, since he and I were married. I told everyone not to make a fuss, because it was no big deal. I escaped as quickly as I could to my office or Serkan's office, to continue with work. Despite being quite far along in my pregnancy, I still continued working, to keep Serkan's company at bay. Now though, knowing that Serkan was still alive, everything had changed. Despite that, I still wanted to continue working, because I loved it. I'm deep in thought, sketching away, when all of a sudden I hear a lot of commotion. I walk out of the office to see what's going on. I gasp when I see Serkan standing in the office, surrounded by the employees. Engin is hugging him and everyone is in shock. I hadn't told anyone about Serkan being alive, because I wasn't ready to deal with it. When the most important people have hugged him, he looks over in my direction. I'm still standing in the doorway of his office, shocked to see him. I knew that he was alive, but to now see him in person was still a shock. I also didn't expect him to join the 'real world' so soon again. "Eda" he says as he slowly walks towards me. The closer he gets, the harder my heartrate goes up. As he comes to a stop before me, I'm basically hyperventilating. After Serkan disappeared, I was in a really bad place with the pregnancy and I almost had to be induced, because of the stress. I was given a lot of anxiety medication, just to make it through the day. He looks into my eyes deeply. I've trouble escaping his gaze. He moves in for a hug, but I get so stressed, that I pass out into his awaiting arms.

Later that evening...

After I had awoken from passing out, I immediately fled the office. Serkan had put me into his private room on the couch and while he was on the phone talking to someone, I slipped out of the room and went home. I didn't want to deal with any of that today. I wasn't ready. But as I spent the whole day with my own thoughts, I can't help but feel so angry at him for abandoning us. As the day continues, I can't hold it in anymore, so I eventually decided to go over to his house. I knock on the door and Serkan opens it. He looks shocked at seeing me. I immediately push past him, to go inside. I'm so angry. I turn around and look at him. "Why? Why didn't you come back? Why did you just leave us?" "Eda, I told you it isn't that simple". "Why? What do you mean?" "I can't tell you". "What do you mean, you can't tell me". He doesn't answer me. This only upsets me more. "What were you planning to do? Just leave for months or years or what? And then all of a sudden just come back and pretend that nothing had changed? Were you planning on me raising this child alone?" He still doesn't say anything. "You know what. I'm done. I've been waiting for you for so long. I waited so long for you to tell me the truth about my parents, you didn't. I waited for you to come back, hell I even looked for you. So I'm done waiting for you". I take of my wedding ring and put it in his hand. "I'm done". With that I walk away, leaving him stunned.

A few days later...

Serkan had texted me to meet him at his mother's house. He said he would finally explain to me why he decided to stay away. This better be good I thought as I walked into the house. Ayden was sitting in the living room, along with Serkan and an unknown man. I sit down and look at them expectantly. "So, Eda. I wanted to tell you why I disappeared for a month and why I didn't come back sooner. This man over here is my doctor, so he can explain some things in detail to you, should you wish it". I nod. "Okay, so tell me". "I don't remember much of the plane crash. All I remember is waking up in the hospital. I had head trauma and I was paralyzed from the waist down". I gasp in shock. I also see Serkan get tears in his eyes and he doesn't every get that. "I thought I was never going to be able to walk again". Serkan is crying now and so am I. I sit down on my knees in front of him and take his hands. "I didn't think I could ever be a true husband to you again or a good father to our child. You would have to take care of me and the baby and I wouldn't be able to help you. I didn't want that. I thought it was better if I came back into your lives, when I would be able to walk again. The doctors are so surprised with my progress, since I was able to walk again so quickly. Something to do with my determination". I laugh through my tears because of this. "That's so you". We both laugh. "I'm so sorry, Eda. I'm so sorry". "It's okay. You're here now". I hug him and we both stay like that, softly crying.

The next day...

After crying together the day before, Serkan and I had talked about us. We had decided, more so on my side, that we would take it easy. Despite understanding his reasons, I couldn't just jump back into where we were. We were still married and we wanted to stay married, but some of my trust had been broken and had to be rebuild. I'm getting ready for Serkan's welcome home party, when all of a sudden the doorbell rings. I open the door to find Serkan standing there. "What are you doing here?" "I thought I would come pick you up". "You're late to your own party". "Yeah about a month". We both laugh at this. "I thought we were supposed to take things slow?" "Yes, but how slow can we go when we are already married and expecting a baby?" Serkan says with a cheeky smile. I smile at it too and roll my eyes, because I've missed this. His cockiness and jokes. I've missed everything about him, but I still can't condone his behavior. I understand it, but it doesn't mean that it's right. I sigh. "We agreed to take it slow and we should do that. It's not just about us, it's also about the baby and doing what's right for him. We need to be on good terms, so we can be good parents for him". "I know, I've just missed you. I know what I did was wrong, but my intentions were good". "I know they were and we're going to get back on track, it's just not going to happen overnight". "I know. I'm just thankful that you've given me the chance at all".