and i don’t know if it’s your heart. you’ve got me thinking in between the lines of your breaking and falling apart. you often put me at the end of your walls when you can’t even grasp the way i keep you grieving over the same things so you would still think of me when the days of my absence are gone. along with the thought of losing someone for the second time through the unending reset of the memory, i wonder if you still ever think about me when the night is calm. i wonder if you will hold me the same way when short breaths are gone; if you can still find home in my blues when you have one in your eyes. but in there, i know, i would still try not to doubt the way i keep the lines and scars you drew in us because sometimes, i think it’s just me—i don’t know what is or perhaps, i can’t learn how or i just really don’t love.
maybe, i am wrong. ‘cause i still hold and love the way you slip away even if i know that you can just find me with the things you can’t mend nor with the things you can’t forget about. and in every night we spent with breaking hearts, i know, i’ll always repeat the usual: to fix them over and over again. over and over until my palms can no longer caress the beats. but there are happy nights with you that i can’t still write about. it is so many of them that i decided not to remember again but once in a while, i still cry through the unwritten ones. they say you can lose something if you love it that much and with all these things, i tell myself, i will never ever lose someone again. i won’t let it happen again the same night i cursed that i love it that way. because with all those sad and even the happy days you bring me with you, in your heart—
it has always been lonely there.
— 02:43 l. sin, a lonely place
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»» photo (without the words in it) screencapped from the film: 500 Days of Summer (2009)
