and this is maybe— my kind of beautiful heartbreak.
your name could always remind me of the first times and impossible things turning into life, every syllables of it makes me believe how lovely the dust i can find in my soul bearing the first time you let me know about the love that happened just because of the timing but doesn’t matter—still. your name could always remind me the first time i feel like a crime scene when i let your fingers ran throughout my kept pages and the hidden part of my soul, and that i know every sweet touches you’ve left unheard tastes like peppermint and peaches; people told me it’s the reason why i’ve gone sick, for absorbing too much sweet aches. but still, i long for it as if that time, i already know that here, right here, in between the intertwined lines of my relentless beating heart—you live.
your name could always bring me to the part of my poetry that i have promised myself i would never read again nor write another part. perhaps, i am afraid that i might just see you hiding in every lines of it, looking like a grief, a living metaphor of the things i wouldn’t want myself to remember—but i can still find myself reciting all the words over again until it scattered around my lips, and i will find myself only uttering your name. your name could always bring me to doubts and i’ll find myself asking: do i have a right to look at you like that? for just so you know, i am still tracing through the syllables of your name, wondering what would it be if we just love each other more than just whispers. your name is my walking reminder of time, but i know it couldn’t answer how long it takes to mend a broken heart, for it’s been 23 months and still wasn’t enough.
perhaps, you don’t remember but i have told you before that you have a beautiful name and it always reminds me of sunshines, strawberries, and broken shards. your name always reminds me of possible fear i might feel for losing soulmates, for i am always missing it, pretending to forget the spelling of your name but it’s actually the reason of every beautiful scars under. i’m missing your name, you and everything between us; i know you don’t do the same but i swear i can still remember things well. you make me feel homesick and longing for something i know i can never win. and now, i can see your name in every shades and it even feels like a new wound.
and that is when someone asked me what is heartbreak—
and i only spoke your name.
— 02:58 l. sin, your name as a heartbreak
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»» photo (without the words in it) taken from @afbyy on Pinterest
