Rena: Code 143

2.6

All I could focus on was the ceiling above me and the light in the room. My eyes were beginning to strain from looking at the light for too long. However, it was better than focusing on what was happening between my legs. My hospital gown was bunched on my hips, leaving my bottom open to prying eyes. My thighs were spread wide with my feet in stirrups while the doctor was swabbing me with a Q-Tip to collect my cells.

Kenny was sitting in the exact spot from earlier, and I could feel his gaze on me. I knew it was normal for women to do this, but it was so awkward. Although I didn't like appointments such as these, I knew it was important to get checked. Luckily, my doctor was an older and kind woman. The minute she came into the room earlier, she greeted me warmly before telling me what was going to take place.

I heard the squeak of her chair as she rolled away. I brought my gaze down to see her reach her medical desk. She placed the Q-Tip that was on me into a tube. She then grabbed a metal object that had me throwing my head back to see the ceiling. I knew what it was immediately and a large part of me wished I wasn't here. I heard her make her way toward me again, and she placed a gentle touch on my leg to gain my attention.

"Alright, Mrs. Smith," she paused as she got her tools ready. "I am just going to take this tool called the speculum to look inside of your vagina. Just to get a look at your cervix and check for any infection. Please let me know at any time if you are in pain or uncomfortable and I will immediately stop," she told me.

I nodded, then saw coat the tool in lube. I looked back up at the ceiling once I saw her begin to insert the instrument inside of me. When I first went to an OBGYN, I panicked seeing the metal tool. I felt foolish that day, but my doctor at the time was excellent and Kenny was by my side. He wanted me to get checked before we married, even though I didn't know it was something I had to do. At that time, he waited outside, but during the next few years, he would sit right beside me. Unlike now, where he sits across the room.

A few minutes passed before she removed the tool and got ready for the last step of the exam. Which was to check my uterus, cervix, and my ovaries. After changing her gloves, she lubed them before inserting two fingers inside me. She used her other hand and placed it below my stomach, pressing gently. It was weird feeling her gloved fingers inside me as she felt for anything out of place.

Before I knew it, she was done. She placed her tools away first and then came over to help lift my feet out of the straps. I pulled down the gown once my legs were free, then sat up.

"Ok, Mrs.Smith, the last thing we'll do today is your blood work and then you'll be home free. It'll take a few months for the tests to get back, but we'll give you a call as soon as possible. Do you have any questions?" I saw Kenny hesitate a moment before he spoke up.

"Would a," he swallowed harshly. "Would a previous miscarriage affect our chances of having a child?"

I blinked once, twice, before the doctor's voice brought me back to focus. My eyes blurred slightly as I fought the urge to release a tear. I tightened my hands, balling them into fists by my side. I wasn't expecting him to mention that. I glanced at him from the corner of my eye as I ducked my head low, anger brewing inside of me.

"How long ago did this occur?"

I felt Kenny's gaze shift to me, but I didn't say anything. I didn't want to. I never wanted to come here in the first place. Why would he mention that I-we-

"A year and a half ago."

_

I slammed the car door shut with more force than necessary. Kenny followed behind me as I walked toward our home. I unlocked the door with my keys, not bothering to hold it open for him as I walked inside. As I walked into the kitchen, I heard his footsteps behind me. I immediately opened the refrigerator to grab a water bottle.

"Rena," he called out, but I ignored him. I didn't speak to him while he drove us home and didn't plan to for the rest of the day. Holding the bottle in my hand, I exited the kitchen to go upstairs. "You're being childish."

"Me?" I whirled around and then scoffed. I wasn't going to get into a fight with him. I just wanted to lie down. I continued upstairs with Kenny following. Once I reached our room, I slammed the door in his face. Locking it so he couldn't enter.

"Rena," The door handle jiggled. "Open the door."

"Go away," I told him. I didn't want to fight with him about what happened. The rational part of my brain was telling me that it was something the doctor needed to know. But the other hated the reminder that I lost my-

Oh god.

I ran inside the bathroom to get to the toilet. Just as I opened the lid and bent on my knees, I threw up. My body lurched as the food I ate this morning came out. I groaned as I sat hunched over the toilet. Perhaps the recent events have caught up to me or I just ate something bad.

I knew I was being an idiot, though. I was putting myself in an uncomfortable position just because I didn't want to tell Kenny the truth. And the truth was literally hurling out of me. Painfully. My stomach rolled and I tasted bile on my tongue. Not only were my lies and guilt eating at me, but when Kenny mentioned the loss of our...It hurt. It still hurts and clearly, I'm so affected by what happened that I'm sick from the memory.

To be fair, I never wanted to mention it again. My failure to protect-I didn't want to think about it. I wanted to leave it in the past as if it never happened. Hell, I didn't even tell Wren about it. Only Kenny knew.

I heard the sound of feet pattering against the floor. However, I was exhausted from puking to look behind me. Though I already knew it was Kenny. I heard him grab a clean rag from the drawer at the sink before he wet it. Then he bent down to my level, lifted my head, and began to clean my mouth. It shocked me he was doing this, as we haven't been intimate in such a way unless we were having sex. But I didn't pull against him. I didn't have the energy.

After wiping my mouth, he hands me a bottle of water. I'm assuming it's the one I brought up with me. When I finished taking a few sips, I handed it back to him. He held the bottle in one hand while he brought his other closer to my face. Suddenly, he wiped the tears I hadn't noticed off my face.

"I'm sorry," his apology sounded sincere. "I know that mentioning the miscarriage is difficult for you. But I just wanted to make sure we would have another chance. So we can have a family. Don't you want that for us?"

Tell him. The voice in the back of my mind urged me. Tell him the truth.

I opened my mouth to speak, but he beat me to it. "Don't you love me? His voice echoed in the bathroom. My eyes widened in surprise and despair. Of course, I love him. Why would he-after all we've been through? I told him as much with my voice carrying a rasp. Dry and hoarse from puking.

"Then let's have a baby."

_

This is the newest chapter of Rena. Thank you all, once again for reading!