Rena: Code 143

3.5

"Wait a minute," Wren paused dramatically. "You saw that fine ass man from the club again and didn't get his number?" She stared at me as if I had lost a few brain cells.

"Wren, I'm married." I reminded her.

"I know, I know," she said, raising her hands up in defense. She then smiled at me cheekily. "Bet you forgot that when you were with Nicolaus," she teased, dragging out his name. I rolled my eyes for the tenth time today. The sad part was that she was undoubtedly right. While I did spend time at Nick's place, it almost felt like a dream, a fantasy. One I hadn't realized I wanted to become real.

A few days have passed since then, getting closer to July. After bumping into Sean, I went home, took a bath, and washed my clothes. Although Nick and I were friends, I still had to be cautious. So I had to wash away the delicious scent of him from my clothes. While I was washing my clothes, I had gotten a call from Nick asking where I was. I made up some elaborate lie that something came up and I had to leave. When in actuality I was too nervous to face him after my drunken stupidity. In a way, he kind of scolded me for not waking him up so he could make me something to eat or at least walk me to my car. He admitted that he was worried and wanted to make sure I was safe. He joked that the next time I walked out in the early morning without saying anything, I would get punished.

Or at least, it sounded like he was joking.

That aside, Nick asked me if I was doing anything on July fourth. Usually, Kenny goes out with his work buddies while I stay home listening to the fireworks from inside the house. It was depressing each year, but it was better than being around Kenny's colleagues. They were a rowdy bunch, minus Rick, who doesn't attend events like that anymore. It reminds him too much of what he's lost and will never get back. I admitted to Nick what I do every year, and he suggested something different. He invited me out to a family cookout that his parents host each year. I figured why not since I don't do anything, anyway?

Currently, Wren and I are shopping to find me something to wear. While she is looking for something to buy her girlfriend. She was going back to Paris for two weeks to surprise her lover. I was happy to see how in love Wren was. It also made me sad knowing that she'd be moving there permanently soon.

"Moving on, do you think his family will like me?"

"Why? Are you trying to impress your in-laws?" she joked.

"Wren," I whined while she laughed. I moved away from heading into the next aisle.

"Of course, they'll like you, sweetheart. You're a... sweetheart. And if they turn out to be racist bigots, at least you can say you tried out Greek food."

"That's if they make Greek food." I pointed out. Nicolaus didn't exactly say what was on the menu. I was a bit nervous about what I'd be eating.

"Why would Greek people not make their own cuisine? Listen. If they do, and I'm sure they will. Don't eat too much. You know how it is when you eat foreign food for the first time," she paused. "You don't want to embarrass yourself by blowing up the family bathroom."

The crazy part of the conversation was that Wren was right again. Through many years of us being best friends, we would take vacations together sometimes. At each place we visited, I would always have a reaction to new food hitting my system. Not necessarily a bad one, but I often needed a day to 'recuperate' my body. It's only because my body doesn't know how to handle food I don't eat regularly. Luckily, the night I ate at Nick's, the food wasn't foreign to my body so I didn't have a reaction. But when I go to this cookout, I pray that they will have burgers or something.

"You are absolutely right. Now help me pick out something that'll be easy to take off in case I do," we busted out laughing, startling the surrounding shoppers.

We spent the next hour and a half shopping. I loved hanging out with Wren and hadn't realized I missed her until now. She was the sister I never had who I was glad I had in my life. I don't know who or what I'd be without her. She was the first beside Nick who could make me laugh and be myself. I knew was it messed up that I could only count on her before meeting Nick to make me happy. Isn't that a husband's job? Happy wife, happy life.

Speaking of, since that night he hurled those words at me while being intimate, I've kept my distance. It wasn't him avoiding me, we were avoiding each other. The thought of being in that house with him made me feel sad, anxious, and depressed. I wasn't sure if or when he'd say something more painful to me. So I was constantly on edge or finding excuses to leave when he was home on his off days.

It was a shame, really. Before he had hurt my feelings that night, I thought that things would go back to normal. They usually did after we made love. Sex fixed everything in our marriage, but it didn't that night. Now, I wasn't sure what to do. Didn't know how to fix it, fix us. I've done it for years so he-we could be happy. I thought he was happy. That he... loved me. How could I fix our marriage if he didn't love me? I ponder these thoughts all the time. And sometimes, when I'm all alone and in the cold building I call home, I think to myself:

Do I want to fix what I feel is broken?

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