Rena: Code 143

3.9

 Rain pattered against the kitchen window as I washed the dishes. The dim sound of Kenny watching tv in the background accompanies the noise. An occasional laugh bubbled out of him as he watched a movie. The two of us have recently finished dinner, and I was doing my chores. Clean the table, wash the dishes, sweep the floor, do this, do that, and so on. Usually, when I did my normal routine, I would do it with swiftness without my head in the clouds. Now, all I could think about was Nicolaus.

Sweet, sweet, Nicolaus.

It's been a week since his family cookout and our conversation in his car. We haven't had much time to get together. We were both busy with work and I couldn't find the right time to leave the house. Mainly because Kenny has been home this past week. I heard him let out another boisterous laugh in the living room. With a tired sigh, I finished the last dish and moved on to clean the counters.

I was still at odds with myself for cheating on Kenny. I truly loved him, but recently he hasn't been the man I fell for. No, that isn't true. Kenny hasn't been the man I fell in love with for a long time. It's taken a fateful meeting with a stranger to be shown that. Although I told Nick that I wanted us to see how things go, I felt uneasy. Affairs never work out for the better. Someone, or maybe all of us, was bound to get hurt. The thought made me become riddled with anxiety.

And what if Kenny found out?

A cold feeling wrapped around me thinking about it. What would he do or say? He has quite the temper. Then again, it wasn't as if he loved me as much as I love him. He probably wouldn't care. If I had these thoughts months ago, my heart would have caved. Now, the ache feels dull in comparison. As if I'm... losing feelings for my husband. Even now, I can't be sure if that's a good or bad thing.

"Rena." my head shot up from where it was looking at the floor while I swept. Did-did Kenny just call me? He hasn't spoken to me in so long. "Rena," he called again and I looked over to the living room. He sat on the couch with his dark eyes on me, one arm on the top of the couch. The other holding his beer.

"Yes?" I asked hesitantly.

He gestured with his hand. "Come here." My brows narrowed in confusion at him before I moved to put the broom away. Then I made my way toward him, his eyes on me the entire time. When I reached him, I stood in front of him, blocking the tv.

"What is it?" He patted the seat next to him after my question.

"Sit with me," he paused when he saw I didn't move. "Please."

Kenny never says 'please.'

Deciding to go along with whatever he was doing, I sat beside him. Once I did, he placed an arm around my shoulder and drew me nearer. I sat with my legs crossed since I was wearing a loose dress for the second time this week. He took a sip of his bear, returning his attention to the tv. I glanced at him from time to time as we watched tv together. Like we used to. And when he placed his bear down on the end table, it felt like the old days. Me, wishing to never leave my husband's side. Wanting to keep him happy. While he did what he was doing now. Which was hiking his hand up my dress. Unlike the previous times during our marriage, I swatted his hand away.

"What are you doing?" I asked him calmly. He leaned into me and I backed away as he did so. He stopped moving toward me as a frown came across his face.

"I was trying to have fun with my wife," his voice carried a hint of irritation. Is he serious? There have been a few times when I've rarely gotten mad at Kenny. Few as in I could count them on my fingers since we never had fights. Until the past two years. This was another fight, at least it was to me.

"You haven't spoken to me in months, Kenny," I began, trying to remain calm even as I felt my anger rising. "You've blatantly ignored me, and hurt my feelings, and now you expect us to have sex? Are you out of your mind?"

"Rena-" I stood up from the couch, wanting to get away from him.

"Don't Rena me, Kenny. I'm your wife, not someone you have your way with! I'm the woman you make love to!" My voice rose, and he stood up, towering over me. Anger in his eyes as he looked down at me, scoffing.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, huh? You're the one who started all this! You didn't want to start a family-"

"I'm entitled to my body, Kenny. And I have my reasons for not wanting to have a child right now. If you would have just talked to me instead of being immature, you would know!"

"Don't raise your fucking voice at me, Rena." his voice lowered. "It's bad enough you've been going out with Wren-"

"Wren?" I cut him off, flabbergasted. "What does this have to do with her? She's my best friend."

"You're hardly home!" he yelled. "She keeps you out so you don't come here! You know she hates me, yet you continue to be friends with her. I'm your husband, Rena! You come home whenever you like and soon as I ask for our monthly fuck, you push me away?!"

Monthly?

"The last time we had sex, you hurt my feelings, Kenny. Made me feel unappreciated and unloved!" He shook his head, almost as if he were denying it. "And how are you mad at me for having fun? I barely go out anymore. You're angry because Wren makes me feel better by convincing me to leave the house? To do something with my life for a change?!"

"No," he walked closer to me. He leaned down, so he was able to speak directly in my ear. "I'm mad she's turning you back into the whore you were in college."

I don't remember doing it.

The only realization that I did do it is when I felt a stinging sensation in the palm of my hand. And the turn of Kenny's head to the side. The silence rang loud in the room as I realized I put my hands on him. My heart started racing a mile a minute when he slowly turned his head back on me. His gaze was hard and somewhat menacing. I hadn't realized how scared I was until he moved toward me and I took a step back. He continued to follow me until my back bumped into a wall.

"Get. Out." He said lowly, the smell of beer clinging to his mouth.

Through my shock, I muttered, "What?" I looked at him with wide eyes. I've never physically touched Kenny in such a way. He struck a cord in me, but I didn't mean to. Hitting your partner was wrong. But how could he say that to me? Knowing that he was my first... everything.

"Leave." he deadpanned. "Get the fuck out!" he shouted, making me flinch.

"Kenny, I'm sor-" Not giving me a chance to apologize, he grabbed my arm in his grasp and started to drag me out of the living room. His grip tightened when I tried to escape his clutch. "Kenny, stop!" I cried out, tears starting to stream down my face. Yet he ignored me as he dragged me through the house. It wasn't until he was at the front door did I see how serious he was.

"I gave you everything! This fucking house, your car, your dumb-ass career! But since you don't want to act as a wife, you can go!" He seethed. Opening the door, he hauled me out while I cried. Begging him not to do this. He threw me down wearing nothing but the dress I had on while the rain battered against me. Soaking my body within seconds. I got to my feet as quickly as I could, but by the time I got up, he slammed the door shut. Immediately going to the door handle, I twisted it, but it remained solid. He locked me out.

"Kenny!" I banged on the door as hard as I could. Crying as the rain soaked the only clothes I had on. So for the next hour, I stood there banging to be let inside my own house like a maniac. Sobbing as I called for my husband to let me in. Shivering in the chilly rain as my knocks grew weak. Then quiet when I saw the lights inside our home go out.

I had nothing. I was alone.

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