Rena: Code 143

2.5

It was the day of our appointment with the fertility specialist. I was a nervous wreck as I made breakfast for us. I was already dressed and ready, feeling less enthusiastic for the day. However, I noticed Kenny seemed to be in a good mood. He took off from work so he could be there with me. A part of me was happy he took off for my sake, but another was bummed. I couldn't lie about my being there when I didn't go. I thought of a thousand ways to get out of this appointment, but none of them stuck. I had to put on a brave face and bear the weight of today.

Along with the dreaded appointment, Wren's words still rang in my ears. She was correct that I had to choose. But the thought of leaving Kenny made me feel nauseous. I was afraid to leave him and face what was out there in the world. I didn't want to be alone like I was at the age of eighteen. Left to fend for myself in a world I was unacquainted with. The fact that I was entertaining the idea itself hardly sat right.

How could I leave the man who had given me everything?

I couldn't. And the thought of that made me feel weak as a woman. Wren said I didn't owe him, but I did. He helped me, saved me. Loved me for the clueless young woman that I was. I don't know better.

But you could.

My thoughts astounded me as my mind traveled to the face of Nicolaus. Picturing his face in my mind, my heart pumped harder. No, no, I just met him and we are friends. Nothing more, I kidded myself. Suddenly, arms wrapped around my waist as Kenny hugged me from behind. He leaned his head on my shoulder before kissing my cheek.

"Rena," he sang in my ear before biting it gently. He started to land kisses on my ear before moving down to my neck.

"Kenny," I warned lightly. I wasn't in the mood for sex and I knew during appointments like the one I was going to would do many tests. Tests such as a pap smear. It would be embarrassing if they saw my husband's seed leaking from me as they did the test. "We can't have sex before the appointment."

"Why?" He groaned.

"Because they'll know we had sex. No matter how many times I shower before we leave," I pulled away from him. Grabbing plates from the cabinet, I started placing the food I cooked on them. I handed a plate to Kenny before getting mine ready. Only piling a bit of food since I knew I wouldn't be able to stomach much.

"Fine," he said. "But after the appointment, I want you naked in our bed." I held back a sigh, keeping my back turned from him. Kenny was being playful for once, but I wasn't in the mood. It was odd to see him excited when he has been anything but happy the past few months. I felt bad that I was a part of his unhappiness, but I was still unsure about having a kid with him.

Kenny wasn't a bad man, but with everything that's happened in our marriage...I was unsure. Is this the life I want?

Pulling up to the clinic, Kenny parked in front of the building. It was still early in the morning so there weren't many cars around. Most probably belonging to the ones who work here. We got out of the car before heading in. When we entered I noticed two other people waiting separately in the waiting room. Kenny and I walked up to the front desk with a woman clacking on her keyboard. It took us less than a minute to check in with her before we were sitting in chairs in the waiting room. The woman had told us we would be serviced shortly.

As the minutes ticked by, my hands had gotten clammy. My anxiety was beginning to make an appearance. I closed my eyes and concentrated on my breathing. A tactic I used on my patients many times when I was working. Once my heart went back to being calm, I glanced at Kenny. He was watching the news on television while his leg bounced. It seemed I wasn't the only one nervous. I placed my hand on his thigh reassuringly, to quell his shaking. His attention turned to me. Before he had a chance to speak, a voice gained our attention.

"Smith family?" They asked, and we rose from our seats. A woman in scrubs held a folder in her hand. "Hello, please follow me."

We followed the woman to the back room, with Kenny in the front and me in the back. Soon enough, she let us into a small room that had a medical bed with a long sheet of white paper laying on it. There were also two chairs sitting in the corner of the room. Lastly, there was a computer and medical desk stationed by the medical bed on the wall. The woman let us get situated with me on the bed and Kenny in the back, before greeting us.

"It's nice to meet you both. What is the reason for your appointment today?"

"I'm-we're trying to have a child and we've been having trouble," I told her.

"How long have you two been trying to conceive?" she began to type away on her computer.

"Close to a year," Kenny spoke up. He moved closer and seated himself in one of the chairs. The woman nodded and then she asked a barrage of questions. Such as my medical history, menstrual cycle, any irregularities or discomfort, my sexual history, any surgeries, the number of times Kenny and I had sex, etc. I answered to the best of my knowledge and if I didn't know, Kenny would chime in. She also asked Kenny about his medical history which he answered. After answering, she told me they would be doing tests to determine what was wrong. She then handed me a medical gown to change into. As I would be getting a pap smear done today. As soon as she left the room, I got off the bed and began to undress.