Rena: Code 143

3.2

 I think Nick could sense something was off with me today. He has constantly been asking if I was feeling ok, causing me to lie through my teeth and say yes. I knew I should've canceled, and I called him earlier to do so. But he begged to see me and there was no way I could say no. And when I arrived at our park meeting, he surprised me with a picnic set up for us. He packed a blanket, pillows, and mini electric fans, along with food and plenty of water.

How could a man be so thoughtful and sweet?

So when I saw the sweet gesture, I stuffed down my depression. Smiling and joking with him trying to be lighthearted. Yet, finding myself failing miserably. I wanted to listen to him speak as he talked of his family and homeland. But it was almost as if my brain was rejecting the idea. I would accidentally tune him out, his voice fading from my ears. While I stared into space thinking about my husband and becoming sad. His words from the other night ringing in my ear.

You don't deserve to be loved.

How could he say something so-vile? After all we've been through. All the sacrifices we-I've made. I lost my child because of him! Damn him. Damn him! DAMN HIM!

"Rena," Nicolaus's voice snapped me out of my trance. I saw him glancing down at my hands, and I hadn't realized I had balled them up out of anger. I looked back into his eyes to see concern shining in them and I felt bad. Nicolaus planned a nice day for us and here I sat, destroying it. "Are you ok?"

I nodded. "Y-yes," I stuttered. "I've got a lot on my mind. I'm sorry for ruining today."

"Don't say that. Nothing has been ruined. The day is still as beautiful as you," he smiled. And though I tried to do the same, I couldn't. My face seemed to tilt up awkwardly before I looked away.

A breeze whispered past us, moving my locs with the warm air. As silence settled between us I had to agree with Nicolaus. It was a beautiful day. The sky was painted light blue as white clouds moved by slower than a snail's pace. The trees and grass were so green that they were almost blinding. Yet their competition, the sun, took the lead. Luckily, we weren't facing the sun or my eyes would have burnt. But I could feel the warmth of it on my exposed skin. It was the perfect picture to paint.

"I wish I had my art supplies and a canvas," I told him as I gazed at the scenery before me. "It's-"

"Lovely," he cut me off. I turned to him to see him staring at me. His eyes shone in the natural light. Thump, thump went my beating heart. "You've told me you like art, not that you could do any."

I cleared my throat. "Yes, I love to paint. At home, I have a small room to paint in," At the thought of home I grew solemn again. I could sense my eyes beginning to tear up and I blinked them back. Oh, God. I turned away from him again so he wouldn't see anything. "Which reminds me that I-I have to stop at the store later to get more paint."

"How about," he trailed off before moving closer to me. "We make a deal."

"A deal?"

He nodded with a smile. "I'll buy you supplies to paint if you tell me what's making you upset," Before I could protest he continued. "It doesn't matter if you want a little or a lot of supplies. I'll buy the whole damn store if you want. Just-as a concerned friend, tell me what's going on in that mind of yours."

I hesitated. Wanting to tell him, but would it be a mistake? Would he look at me differently? Would our dynamic change? I didn't want to lose the little that we had. Admittedly, I wanted to keep Nicolaus in my life. He-the stranger who became my friend was one of the two people who made me happy in their company. I would have talked to Wren, but she would've blown a gasket. Frankly, I didn't want to see her pissed or in handcuffs, or both. But Nick didn't know Kenny. He didn't know much about him and he may have forgotten what he looked seeing as he only saw him once. It's not like he'd have the same reaction. It's not like I wanted him or Wren to do something, but I knew Wren would. And my friend had too much good going on to be mixed in with my bad.

"I don't want my relationship with my husband to cause a rift in our friendship," I admitted. He softly used his hand to brush against my cheek. I let out a quiet gasp as he shifted my head to look at him. Our eyes clash together.

"It won't. You can talk to me." I could see the sincerity in his eyes, hear it in his words. So with a heavy heart, I told him what was bothering me.

"I don't think my husband loves me anymore," I whispered, my lips wobbling as tears escaped my eyes. And just as he pulled me into his arms, I started sobbing. Throughout my blubbering, I managed to tell him the hurtful words that Kenny threw at me. Nicolaus just hugged me tighter, rocking us back and forth.

I knew it was wrong to seek comfort from another man. A man I shared feelings for, but it felt good to... cry. To let out what I've been holding onto and the pain Kenny inflicted on my heart. I did everything for him and to say I-How could he say that? I was a good wife. A great wife. Why-When-Where did I go wrong? Was I really so undeserving for not wanting another child? I catered to his every whim! Loved as no other woman would! What did I do wrong? What did I do?

Although Nick gave me permission to unload everything on him, I only told him of the words Kenny said. I didn't want him to know everything else yet. The useless sex, the past few months at home, Kenny's anger-no. I didn't want him to pity me. But when I finished crying, and he wiped my eyes, I saw his furrow in an expression I'd never witnessed on his face.

Anger.

"Nicolaus?" I called him timidly. His Adam's apple bobbed harshly as he swallowed. He opened his mouth, about to speak, but closed it. Stopping himself from saying something that he must've felt he shouldn't. God, he must be thinking the worst now. "I'm sorry-"

"Don't," he cut me off. His voice rumbled as he spoke. "You have nothing to apologize for." I sniffled, not knowing what to say. Though he didn't let go of me completely, he grabbed a tissue from the picnic basket and wiped my face for me. I protested at first, but he shushed me, politely. If that's possible. Admittedly, I didn't mind it. It felt good to have someone seem to care about me in such a way.

"Thank you," I told him once he was done. "For listening and," I gestured to myself at a loss for words. Though I still sensed his anger through the tenseness of his body, his eyes softened. A tiny smile appeared on his face.

"No thanks needed for," he gestured toward me the same way I did. We both laughed, and I felt a part of me right itself. I was still sad, but his arms had a magical way of making a woman feel better. "Now, how about I clean this up and we go get your supplies?"

"I can help-"

"Nope," he moved from me before standing. Making me miss the warmth his arms provided. "I clean, you sit," he demanded, politely. Again, I wasn't sure how he made that possible. So I did as he said and watched him return items back to the picnic basket. Once he finished, he carried both the blanket and basket, then took my hand in his. Walking us toward our cars that were parked next to each other.

"Ride with me," he said. "We'll come back later and you can drive home." I nodded, it sounded like a good idea. He let go of my hand to unlock his car door with his keys, then he opened the passenger side for me, closing it once I got in. Before he got in the car, he put the picnic stuff in the trunk. He made sure I was strapped in, which I found cute, then started the car and pulled off.

We didn't speak on my little cry fest. It's like he somehow knew I just needed to get it off my chest. I didn't want to talk about my marriage, I just needed to vent. And when we were shopping, he made good on his promise to buy me whatever I want. At first, I was hesitant, but then he began putting items in the cart I didn't need. He made me laugh the whole time we shopped, insisting I get inside the cart when I confessed I never did as a kid. I sat in the large part as he drove the cart, dipping through aisles as I laughed in delight.

Then, when we had more supplies than I needed, we left the store. Heading back to my car when I told him I wasn't hungry. Though he still stopped at a fast food place and ordered me something, anyway. When we had to say goodbye, he made me promise to show off my painting skills when he planned to show me his apartment. I agreed, and he kept some of the supplies in his car while he placed the rest in mine. Once settled, I was sad to say goodbye to him. We hugged each other tightly, not wanting to let go.

I wished I could stay in his arms forever.