IOTA ⋆「multi-fandom oneshots #2」

15. and i believe ('cause i can see our future days) ; the last of us

no pairing. set during the events of the game, not the HBO show. beware of mentions of suicide ideation and a brief past attempt made by Joel. this took about three or so days to write – came from an idea that wouldn't leave me alone when replaying the game for the third time, but on grounded mode, and listening to the optional conversation in the hotel.

—

"Oh, creepy..."

Joel quietly approaches Ellie, very aware that they're still very much not alone in this goddamn hotel yet and he's worried about them being too loud, but he's also curious about what she's found in there, so he makes his way to where her voice came from. When he reaches the bathroom in which she's standing, he follows her line of sight – she's staring at the bathtub, which is full of old, dirty water, mixed with what looks like blood and god only knows what else, and two skeletal corpses of a man and woman facing each other, half submerged in the liquid.

"Guess they took the easy way out, huh?" Ellie comments as she gestures towards the bodies, and Joel immediately disagrees with her choice of wording.

"Oh, it ain't easy," he tells her, his voice low, and she glances at him, as if wanting an explanation or something. He swallows, and then continues. "For many, it was better than lettin' a clicker, or... a hunter do it for them. But trust me," he pauses for the briefest second to sigh, thoughtful, "it ain't easy."

For a moment, Ellie doesn't say anything – she just watches him carefully, and Joel assumes the conversation is over... but then she murmurs, "You sound kinda like you're speaking from experience."

And well, maybe he was. But Joel tenses immediately, caught off guard by her keen observation. He'd hoped she wouldn't pick up on that, or at least wouldn't say anything if she did notice, but from the short time he's spent with her, Joel has already learned that Ellie is an observant, curious, and bold girl, someone who isn't afraid to speak her mind a lot of the time, even if it gets her into trouble, and is a lot more mature for her age than she first appears – so really, he should've known better than to hope she wouldn't notice or comment upon it. It's just how she is.

He doesn't really know what to say in response to her words, though – he can't deny it, but he also isn't particularly interested in talking about a difficult time in his life with some fourteen year old girl he just met less than like, a week ago.

Well, he's not really interested in talking about it in general, but still. He knows she will make her assumptions about whatever he went through if he doesn't respond, but that's still better than talking about it. So he doesn't respond to her, not in any way he thinks she was hoping for.

"C'mon," he mutters instead, "let's get going."

And Ellie silently follows him as he leaves the bathroom, but he knows she's still thinking about it, just like he is.

—

It isn't until at some point a couple of months after Henry's and Sam's death that she brings it up again.

They're camping in the woods, stopping for the night after a particularly long but very productive day of walking west, hoping to get to Jackson fairly soon. Joel is hopeful they'll get there within the next few days – if he had to guess, they're somewhere in Nebraska, meaning that they're making great progress. It's already mid-autumn, and pretty soon it's going to start getting colder, so the sooner they find Tommy, the better. Or so Joel hopes, anyway. He doesn't once stop to consider what to do if Tommy is dead, or has moved on. He figures they'll cross that bridge if – or when – they get to it.

But for now, he's getting ready to sleep, laying out his sleeping bag and shrugging off his backpack. Ellie has had her own sleeping bag pulled out already for quite some time, and had been using her flashlight to read some of the comics Joel had found for her on their journey while he kept watch until he determined that they were very much alone out here. Just as he gets settled down and closes his eyes and tells her that she should get some rest soon, she clicks off the light.