IOTA ⋆「multi-fandom oneshots #2」

2. phantasmagoria ; kakaita

original description;

"He waits for that time that he can grasp that feeling of euphoria."

[変幻自在]

[Oneshot, AU, Kakashi/Itachi]

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He blinks open his tired eyes to find himself lying on the ground in the bathroom. All he can seem to notice is the scent of blood, which is very unpleasant.

He doesn't really remember exactly what happened, or how he got here. All he really knows is that his head is aching and he feels sick to his stomach as he begins to stand.

It takes what little strength he has to get up, and when he does, he does not look in the mirror. He does not look at the blood on the floor. He simply undresses and steps into the shower, trying to wash away his mistakes.

But are they really mistakes if he does it on purpose?

He knows that this is not the first time something like this has happened, and so when he finishes his shower, he makes sure to clean up the bathroom before his little brother gets home.

Although most of the time, Sasuke is away, off with his boyfriend or something, Itachi doesn't know - he isn't quite all there all the time, so he's not sure what Sasuke does when he goes. Itachi gets the feeling, however, that Sasuke leaves because of him.

He doesn't mind though; he knows he's a wreck.

But he makes sure to hide his unhealthy lifestyle from everyone who he comes into contact with. Sasuke included.

Nobody really knows what he does when he disappears into his room or the spare bathroom for long periods of time, and Sasuke never is home to ask; but he has always known that Itachi is strange anyway.

Itachi is unstable, but he just keeps it to himself if he can. Although part of him thinks his boyfriend Kakashi is starting to figure things out. Part of him, the part that feels no guilt for his actions, doesn't care.

He lies in his bed now after taking a tablet and wonders if Kakashi will be around soon to check up on him. Come to think of it, he realizes he hasn't seen Kakashi in a while.

Itachi drinks some vodka. It burns his throat and he coughs, but he drinks it anyway.

He then gets to see the wisps of light in his room - like stars, but he isn't quite sure what they actually are - and he sees a crow on his windowsill. He looks out his window and swears that he can see the northern lights, swears that all the real stars are falling ones. He sees things that aren't there, but these things make him feel intense happiness and he clings to them; he loves the feeling of euphoria.

Itachi isn't anywhere close to being tired, but he falls asleep anyway with a smile on his face.

When he wakes again it's only an hour later. He finds that happiness has gone, stolen from him while he slept, but that always happens, and so he heaves out a depressed sigh and gets out of bed.

He finds that he's irritated with the way his room looks and decides to clean it; it takes a while but he's full of energy, and he takes another tablet at some point.

Sasuke has already come and gone probably, and Itachi smiles sadly at the note left on the table. At least Sasuke is off doing things he likes.

Itachi doesn't eat. He rarely does - he is never hungry - and today is no exception. He only heads into the bathroom, doing unspeakable things to himself while he waits for that time that he can grasp that feeling of euphoria.