Basorexia >> Cake Hoodings (BoyXBoy)

Chapter 22

Luke's P.O.V

Sound check was just like normal. Sing 4-5 songs. Basically what every day consists of. There's only one thing that's changed during sound check and the actual concerts that changed. My nervousness. Before concerts, I'm usually fine, no panics or anything. But, it's eating me alive. The nervousness. I need to tell the fans soon, or not at all because I can't deal with this anxiousness inside me. I need to just scream or get this lifted off my chest. Before shows I used to brush my teeth and have a laugh but, now I don't. I can't. I sit by myself or sometimes with Calum (He calms me down) and start to worry. Calum says he's worried about me and I don't blame him. If I was in his position, I'd be worried too.

"Boys, 10 minutes." The stage manager shouted. My heart started to speed up. This has never happened before. I don't even know why they're happening. I shouldn't even be nervous. Calum and I still have 30 shows before the end of the tour but, with every show, comes a weight-load of pressure and stress and a stronger feeling of anxiety.

My breath had sped up at the same speed as my heart rate. I couldn't breathe this fast. I kept trying to catch my breath but I couldn't. I could feel a burning sensation running through my body, making me extremely hot. Right now, I wasn't even aware of what was happening around me, nor did I wan't to be aware of it. I could just figures around me however, they were blurred out by my tears. People were talking to me but, I couldn't figure out what they were saying.

I started to try breathe properly. I hated this.

~

It was 5 minutes before I was going to go on stage a I'm sat shaking. I'd calmed down a lot but I was just shaky.

"Thanks." I mumbled as Calum handed me some water. He sat next to me and placed a hand on my knee.

"Are you okay, baby?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I mumbled, drinking the water.

"Are you going to be okay to perform?" He asked.

"Yes, yes I am. Stop asking me questions, okay. I'm fine!" I yelled.

"You're not fine, you just had a panic attack." Calum yelled back.

"I'm fine. I'm fine to perform. I just feel shaky that's all." I yelled. I'm sick of questions. I feel fine. Apart from feeling shaky, I'm fine.

"You're not fine! I think you shouldn't perform tonight." Calum yelled.

"I am fine. I'm sick of people knowing what's best for me. The only person that knows what's best for me is myself. I am performing tonight. I don't care what you say. I'm performing! I'm not letting the fans down." I yelled as I heard the door close. I glanced over to see Michael and Ashton stood there, in shock.

"What's going on?" Michael asked, quietly.