untouchable

37

Life really has its comical way of disproving everything you think you know about... everything.

Jillian doesn't know what to feel about the dilemma that was forced upon her.

It's the weekend and so she went to the agreed hangout with Ethan earlier today, ignoring the ominous feeling that bugged her since the day Ethan gave the invitation. It was simply too irrational to feel as he's a harmless friend and has never given her a reason to doubt.

Though most times, our gut twisting in on itself is a caution to be heeded to.

Ethan has confessed his feelings for her at long last.

Jillian was understandably speechless, shocked, overwhelmed. No amount of "preparation" helped her when that moment actually arrived. There's a stark difference between assuming and having it confirmed after all. She supposed it's inevitable that the man would come clean about the feelings he's harboring for her, but Jill wants to laugh at how she still didn't see it coming. How cliché, she thought.

She expected to feel dreadful about it, mostly due to guilt of not returning the feelings, but alas. All Jill felt at that moment was indifference. And when she realized she's indifferent about all of it, the guilt of feeling indifferent sets in.

Jillian is empathetic, a common trait amongst Pisces people, she's been told by her astrology friends. But for some reason, she just doesn't care — about Ethan, about his feelings, about the "doom" this might bring to their friendship. She figures if Ethan were you, she might've feel differently; she'd probably care more, she'd probably be sorry, she'd probably feel it all, and not have this gaping hollow within her open up bigger.

Human nature is still a complex subject, and even though we have done groundbreaking advances in our modern living, it's the one thing we can't seem to decipher. Some of us like people who doesn't like us back due to the "thrill of the chase", some loses interest once they find out the person they like actually reciprocate the feelings, some of us immediately gets attracted to someone who confesses their feelings although they're someone you don't even give attention to before.

Jill thought it would just be easier for her to return Ethan's feelings, and perhaps put a stop to her fruitless pining. But being romantically involved with the guy never ever crossed Jill's mind, not even once. He really is just a friend to her, and it would be too unfair and horrible to make the guy as some rebound. 

Does she have a fault as well? Did she accidentally lead the guy on? But then again, Jillian treated Ethan like how she usually treats her dear friends, it's on him if he thinks Jill is interested just because she's emotionally comfortable with him. Why can't a boy and a girl just be friends? Why can't guys just be normal?

"Stress. Putangina," Jill sighed out loud to herself.

Her life would probably be way easier if it were you. Why can't it just be you? Why can't it just be you telling her that you've had this huge, fat, physically immobilizing and emotionally disarranging crush since who knows when, that if you spend another day hiding it in vain attempt and live as though it's nothing, would result to a slow agonizing death? Jill would probably find the hyperboles romantic and not annoying.

But you're not Ethan. You don't see her as anything but a mere friend. No amount of wishful thinking could change it.

Luckily (but also unluckily) for her, Ethan didn't expect a response from her whatsoever. He also couldn't handle if Jill rejects him on-the-spot, so to spare his feelings a little bit more, he lets her sleep on it, for her to have more time mulling it over.

She's formulating ways to gently let him down, but no matter how sugarcoated her words are, rejection is still an ugly thing.

Though she partly admires Ethan's courage. She knows how hard it is to confess your feelings out loud. And for the object of your desires to hear it? Even harder. There's a lot on the line when one comes to that decision after all — their dignity, their relationship.