untouchable

23

July 1

Paradoxical. Jill is being paradoxical.

Only days ago, she fully accepted the fact that she'll never see you again. But right now on the Angat Buhay launch, she keeps looking over her shoulder in hopes that maybe you'll magically appear. She's manifesting for your presence, at the same time, wishing you won't attend.

It's Friday, and you're surely at work.

Yeah, you definitely won't attend. The number of attendees are also extremely limited, maybe you didn't get a ticket on time. That's good news; disappointing, but still good news.

She has to admit, though, being back here at the HQ where lots of fond memories with you were birthed, it's making Jillian nostalgic. Everywhere she looks, you're there: at the office, at the open field, at the dropoff tent, at the murals — especially at the murals.

Her sisters couldn't come today due to out-of-town engagements. Jill also have a busy day and would leave as soon as Leni's speech is done. She has a lot of errands to run, from visa(s) to other legal documents she'd need for her job.

Stop thinking about Y/N, girl, baka pulang-pula na ilong n'on kakakamot, she would constantly scold herself.

Once Leni's done and would be showing the tentative 'Pink museum' to the public, that is Jill's cue to leave. When she went to her mother to bid goodbye, she was careful not to have the mural you painted come into her view. She's had enough trip down memory lane.

And so, the heavens heard Jill's (confusing) plea to not see even a shadow of you today.

--

Last week of July

"How are you holding up, siz?" Tricia huffingly asks Jill when she got her younger sister alone. They're currently hiking to a rocky mountain range to sightsee.

Jill frowned at the somewhat bizarre and unexpected question. Once she catches her breath, she answers, "I'm doing fine, Ate?"

"Sureness?" Tricia asked again, glance full of concern and curiosity.

"Oo nga! Ano'ng meron? What's with the question?"

"Nag-wo-wonder lang naman. Kasi ano, don't even dare to deny it, nakita kong nangingilid na luha mo when you turned away from Y/N after no'ng brunch. Just wanna ask lang kung kumusta na ang puso. Like, it's been a while na rin naman."

Right, Jillian remembers how she turned her back sharply to try to conceal the tears welling up in hopes that no one would see her pain. She didn't know Tricia was watching the whole time.

"Ay, like you said antagal na n'on! I'm fine, Ate, no worries. Naka-move on na ako. Ikaw rin mag-move on ka na."

Tricia playfully flicked Jill's hair in response. The younger giggled in response.

"Well, I'm glad na you're doing okay. Sana magpatuloy." Tricia smilingly says and went back to her own devices.

Up until now, Jill is still self-contradicting.

Her mouth can come up with believable lies to cover up, but her heart screams otherwise. Well, kahit naman siya pa rin wala naman nang magagawa.

Faking it until she makes it, until it eventually manifests into reality.

It's not like she's not making a constant effort to move on, she's trying and struggling... though maybe a miniscule part of her that you permanently occupied would always hold out, just in case. She's aware she's only driving herself crazy, and that she only have herself to blame for it, but she's helplessly a fool for you. Hindi na nga talaga nagparamdam ulit pero grabe pa rin ako kung makaasa.