untouchable

21

You're zoning out. Just staring at nothing in particular, too consumed by several thoughts all at once. You shut your eyes tightly and bury your face on your palms.

Ano'ng gagawin ko? You mentally ask yourself.

Nothing.

"Ano'ng gagawin ko?" You then asked yourself loudly.

Still nothing.

You looked for your cigarette stash to light one to calm down. You're not at work right now so you don't need that quella-whatever fancy sounding cigarette holder Aries gave you last Christmas; he gave the whole friend group each one, so that when you go for smoke breaks, the smell won't linger on your hands. It's a bit unnecessary though, since your friends switched to vaping. You refused embracing modernity as you prefer to slowly kill yourself the traditional way. You tried vape once and you didn't really like it.

You finally found the metal case after a few seconds of searching inside your unkempt drawer. You groaned in frustration when you see that it's empty. You forgot to buy a new pack. You soft quit smoking since January when you joined the campaign. It wasn't hard for you to do so because you're not a heavy smoker. You had to limit your tobacco intake as well since they're not as cheap anymore. Besides, you only smoke when severe stress is upon you, to cope, to escape for a little while.

But ever since the elections, you returned to your vice.

Cigarettes may have been more expensive than before, but it's still more accessible and affordable than anxiolytics.

Old habits really die hard.

You're too lazy to go out to buy a pack of cigarettes. Doesn't matter. If you have no cancer stick, hopefully there's still some liquor stored away inside your cupboards. Just a shot, or two, then your head would clear a little.

You decided to not think about this subject for now.

A week later, you're still lost.

You and your friends are currently in Divisoria, helping Sugi shop for threads and fabrics he needs for his side hustle. Later today, you'd also go back to his condo to celebrate Shein's birthday in advance. No one could attend her actual birthday due to clashing schedules and all, so everyone agreed to move it a week early.

Your head is up in the clouds and your friends obviously noticed. It's apparent by your passive responses, and lack of attentiveness, but they didn't make a fuss about it. They let you be, thinking it's probably another one of those days.

Though Aries can't help but ask you about it. He slowed down his pace so you could catch up to him. "Beh, oks ka lang? You're very tameme today, ha." He said as he nudges you.

This at least took you out of your reverie. "Huh? Ah, oo naman! Oks lang ako, baks."

Aries is not convinced but he'd let it slip for now.

Your strange behavior persists until you got back to Sugi's place, tired and sweaty from the activity.

While your friends recuperate by lounging on Sugi's comfy couch, you are busy thoughtlessly putting away the things you brought, functioning on autopilot.

"Ay oh, pak! Ganda nina Madam. Ang fe-fresh! Dasurv!" Shein gushes as she scrolls through Facebook and seeing the pictures posted by Leni.

The men huddled around Shein to look at it as well and sang their own praises.

"Ang gandara ni Doc!"

"Mukhang amoy-baby powder si Mumshie Jessica, ah."

"Hala, ang aliwalas ni Madam. Huhu, sad pa rin pero I'm so happy na nakaka-bakasyon siya."