Cold, that was exactly how Felix felt without Hyunjin by his side. The warmth he used to feel around him, it was a different kind of feeling.
He knew he had feelings for his best friend. It was quite obvious and he couldn't deny it no matter how much he used to try. It wasn't a type of elementary school crush thing, he genuinely felt his heart warm just from his perfect smile.
He could write pages upon pages of how much Hyunjin meant to him, and it still wouldn't amount to the pain of love he felt for him. He often tried finding flaws in him, but he couldn't. He seriously couldn't find one thing wrong with him. He was painfully perfect.
His smile, his lips, his skin, his beautiful eyes, his perfect body, his amazing helping personality. Felix often heard from older people 'no one is perfect' but they hadn't met Hwang Hyunjin. If they met him they'd understand.
He didn't feel the need to love him, it was natural for him. It was as natural as taking a deep breath and exhaling. He could talk for days on end about how much he loves Hyunjin, how he'd do anything for him. He'd go to the depths of Hell and back to get Hyunjin. But he wouldn't need to. Felix swore Hyunjin was a God send. He had to be. Because there was no way he was this perfect.
When Felix thought of people, he thought of greedy beings who brought down and left other people if it meant the benefit of themselves. But when he thought of Hyunjin that was a different story. Hyunjin was a kind soul, he would do anything for the people he loved and always put himself last no matter what.
His smile made people happier, he was easy to talk to. You didn't feel judges by him, you felt like you were being listened to. And he always gave the best advice.
And even after reading all this, you still could never imagine the pain Felix felt when Hyunjin appeared at the door of their shared apartment hand in hand with a beautiful woman. Felix felt crushed. He felt like someone ripped his heart from his chest and stomped on it. And no, he wasn't being dramatic, he felt physical pain well up in his chest when he saw the two standing together.
And the way Hyunjin smiled at her, looked at her. He'd never smiled or looked at Felix that way. He'd never looked at him like he was his whole world.
"Felix, I wanted to finally introduce you to my girlfriend. Her name is Heather, she's not from here but I've been helping her get used to the new setting."
"H-how long have you two been dating?" He tried to keep the pain out of his voice, the stab out of his heart, and keep the fake smile on his face. It was heart-wrenching, he wanted to leave more than anything. But he couldn't, Hyunjin looked so proud to introduce her to him.
So now matter how much it hurt, no matter how much he could feel his heart shattering into a million pieces, he smiled.
"Almost five months. I know, I know, I'm a bad friend for not telling you, but we wanted to keep it on the low for a while until we knew we were serious." Hyunjin said with a big smile. The prettiest smile he'd ever seen.
Friend.
He needed to drill that word in his head, that he was nothing more than a friend to Hyunjin. Nothing more, nothing less. He wished the earth would just swallow him up now, he didn't want to be here.
"Oh," Felix let out a pained chuckle, "I understand, I'm not upset." He lied straight through his teeth. He could hear the lie within itself. Five months, they'd been dating someone for five whole months and this entire time Felix was no doubt deeply in love with Hyunjin. If there was a word that meant more than love then he was exactly that. He was head over heels for Hyunjin, infatuated with everything about him down to every small detail.
And with all the times they spent late at night together, all the laughs, the smiles, the hanging out for hours on end not getting tired of each other, he thought he meant something to him.
But he was only lying to himself. He was only reading more into the situation and thinking it was something it wasn't. Because the whole time...
Hyunjin was in love with someone else.
Someone that wasn't Felix.
Someone that would never be Felix.
"Well," the room was filled with awkward silence. "I just came to you know, let my girlfriend meet my best friend. So...uh– now we're gonna go. We have a dinner reservation."
Felix nodded and clasped his hands behind his back as he looked down at the floor then quickly back up. He was desperately trying to keep the tears from his eyes and he wasn't doing to well. Everytime he made eye contact with either one of them he could feel his heart cracking all over again.
"Well you guys should get going. Have fun on your date, it was nice meeting you Heather."
They chuckled and said their goodbyes to the blonde before leaving out the door, hands intertwined. As soon as the door closed he let himself go. Every emotion he was feeling and concealing in front of the two of them...he let out.
He crumpled to the floor, laying there in a pathetic mess. He didn't know what to do, it's not like he could do anything other than to accept what was just thrown at him.
Did Hyunjin know Felix was in love with him? He couldn't right? But it was so obvious, how could he not.
The pain in his chest seemed to swallow him while as he let out sobs on the floor. He wanted Hyunjin more than anything. And he knew it was pathetic to act like this but he was so sure that Hyunjin was his soulmate.
But he wasn't his.
He belonged to Heather.
And no matter how much he wanted to resent her he couldn't. She seemed like such an angel.
He didn't know how long he was in the floor for. But when he finally dragged himself to his bed his face was crusted with dried tears, his voice gone hoarse, his eyes stinging horribly. His mind kept falling and falling into a never ending pit.
Pathetic.
This was pitiful.
To be so miserable over someone who was never his to begin with. But oh the pain, the unbearable pain he felt when the image of them flashed in his mind over and over. They looked so happy together, he looked so happy with her.
And there was nothing he could do about it but to watch and slowly...slowly feel himself whither away piece by broken piece.
________
I was feeling a lil angsty🤭
Thoughts? Should I make a part 2? Or leave it alone. Let me know🕺🏽
