wishes | lee yubin

nineteen.

opening my eyes was the hardest to do when i woke up from the deep sleep, still on the carpet. standing on my feet along with opening the door to my room made me empty as much as the lonely apartment because i sensed the feeling that nobody was there with me. yubin left and i didn't know where or when. i had known before i searched the whole place.

"yubin?" i called her name just to make sure she didn't start the hide and seek game. that would be very selfish of her. but nobody answered my prayers. me being the small child with deep empty hole in my chest, i shed a tear. i had to put myself together and dial minji's phone number since i hadn't done so the moment i had arrived.

"hey," her voice sounded like talking from afar. "you left me yesterday, are you home now?"

"yeah, sorry," i replied with my raspy morning voice. at times i thought about it as horrible. "i didn't want to wake you up. but anyway, did you make it to your apartment safely?"

"i did, one of bora's friends lives near and she suggested to go home together."

"great, can i visit you now?" i hoped i could spend my day with her since yubin probably was against our movie afternoons.

"sure! can't wait to see you."

she hung up before i could do so. but i was feeling better when i knew someone was waiting for me.

even though i felt a little bit dizzy, my hand landed on pack of cigarettes and wallet in my pocket. i blew a sigh of relief that i hadn't lost it. i changed my clothes, again dressed in black and drank the whole bottle of water because alcohol had made me dehydrated. and i was ready to go.

i stopped on the way to buy something to drink (monster of course, i bet me and minji wouldn't make it without it thanks to the lack of sleep). with a cigarette in my mouth, the building where minji lived appeared in front of me.

"good late morning," minji smiled as soon as she opened the door. "no smoking in my apartment," she added when i blew a cloud of smoke in the hall. "unless you give me one too."

"no problem," i smiled back. "i'll give you the whole pack if you ask me to."

we both looked exactly like two girls after a long night party. but she still appeared adorable.

the first destination i reached was the couch which stayed occupied by me the whole day. i was just too tired but what was the point of being tired alone when you can rest in one place with the girl you liked more than anything.

"looking at you makes me want to yawn," said minji. "don't you dare falling asleep and not watch series with me, i'd be really disappointed."

"looking at you makes me want to write poetry," i answered in an unexpected way. "but don't worry, i didn't come here to sleep even though i'd really like to sleep all day all night. all the time."

"should i be offended?" she chuckled as she was laying next to me. "where is my cigarette?"

i was ready to get her one from the pack in my pocket but she took the one in my mouth and kissed me deeply, inhaling the rest of the smoke in my mouth.

closing my eyes, thinking about the sudden kiss, i asked: "is that kim minji's new way of smoking cigarettes?"

"kind of. don't say you don't like it."

"oh, i do very much."

i smiled as minji was reaching for my cigarette. she breathed in then kissed me again. i refused to smoke in an ordinary way as i always had.

"did yubin take you home?"

"she did," it was uncomfortable to talk about yubin, i wanted to forget her now because our friendship was sinking and i couldn't do anything about it. or could but didn't know what.

"she was here before you arrived," noted minji. "she said she wouldn't be home today so don't expect her."

"i don't, i just wanted to spend my free time with you."

"you don't watch tv anymore?" i didn't like the way this conversation was going.

"i do but we mind our own business these days, we need to sort some things out."

"don't you want to tell me what is going on?" her curiosity was eating me. did she know more than i did? she would never ask about my friends as long as i give her all the attention she wanted.

"she is just a little bit upset but it's nothing new, everybody is upset sometimes."

"that's it?"

"yes, why?"

"just making sure i don't affect the strong bound you've created with yubin."

"don't worry, we'll figure something out. it's not the first time that yubin needs time to be with herself." that was a lie, she had never been angry to the point she would stop talking to me. and i was afraid it could get worse. maybe she didn't want to live in the same apartment anymore.

"aren't you curious where she is right now?"

"i am curious but i don't mind it, i don't rule her life."

minji had enough talking, she wrapped her arms around me and pressed her ear to my chest. "let's not talk for a while, okay?"

the finished cigarette ended up on the empty plate. my stomach cried for food and drink but i didn't want to interrupt the small moment we had. so i laid my cheek on minji's head and filled my nose with the strong and sweet aroma of her shampoo. her presence made me relaxed and i realised how tired i was. i couldn't keep the eyelids opened and few seconds of complete silence filled with our regular breathing, i was ready to visit another world in my dreams. but after all, i was looking forward to a movie marathon after getting some sleep.