Deep End

Part 1

The sun was setting over the ocean. The sky painted with hues of oranges, pinks and multiple shades of blue, from porcelain blue moving to dark navy velvet as the sun dipped. The reflection of these colours danced over the waves as they rushed to the shore. On either side of the jetty stretching over these waves, came the screeches of seagulls and the happy voices of children playing on the beach. It was peaceful, happy, but one slight figure took no notice of the beauty around him.

The boy meandered down the jetty's path, right to the end. Deftly avoiding the fishermen and families with baby strollers. He did not see the truly stunning sunset, he didn't hear the happiness of the people around him, he didn't smell the tangy salt of the sea or feel the tickle of the warm breeze in his shoulder length blonde hair. His attention was turned inwards - wallowing in the misery and pain he'd felt for the past month. It felt as though he was drowning inside.

Standing at the end of the jetty, looking out over the darkening waves, he idly wondered if he should just jump off. He dismissed the thought as soon as it arrived. Too many people around, he thought.

Sighing, Felix turned around and headed home. With each slapping footstep, it felt like all he could hear was 'Chan, Chan, Chan, Chan'. A solitary tear escaped and he angrily wiped it away. 'Not in public, you fool,' he whispered to himself.

As he continued walking back down the jetty, he heard the name Chan being called, but this time in another's voice. Felix's head whipped up, scanning the beachgoers. Then he saw him. The boy he thought of as his. His boyfriend. His lover. His Bang Chan. He was chasing another. Felix watched as Chan caught the giggling boy, hugging him and pulled him in for a deep kiss.

Tears spilled from Felix's eyes, no longer caring that he was crying in public. He dropped his head and started walking home faster, ignoring the concerned looks from strangers he walked past. The agonising pain in his heart twisting like a banner snapping in the wind. It was one thing to wonder why he'd not heard from Chan in weeks, but completely another to have a reason confirmed. Felix had to face the truth finally. Chan had dumped him for another. Without even having the decency to tell him.

-

Lee Felix arrived back at the flat he shared with his friend Seo Changbin.

He and Binnie had been close friends since school. Binnie was a rapper and producer, while Felix was trying to make a living songwriting. So far Binnie was the more successful of the two, though his parents being well off gave him an excellent career boost. It meant they had a very nice 3 bedroom flat near the beach, with one room having been converted to Changbin's studio. Felix felt insanely guilty that there were months where he couldn't pay his share of the rent. He would swear to make it up to Bin once he managed to hit it big. So far though, he hadn't had much luck. If it weren't for the cafe jobs he had here and there, he'd be completely flat broke. Felix didn't have a clue why Changbin insisted he stay with him though. He wasn't sure that Changbin saying he'd be incredibly lonely by himself was a good enough reason. Felix was grateful to his friend. Without his generosity, Felix would probably have to move back home to his parents, and while he loved his family, there would be immense pressure to give up his dream of being a songwriter and find a 'real job' or more likely go study business at University, with the eventual aim of taking over his dad's company.

As Felix went to open the front door, he scrubbed at his face to try to hide any trace of his tears. After opening the door and slipping off his shoes, he turned to find a table full of food. Changbin beamed at Felix and invited him to sit and eat.

"Um, no thanks Binnie Hyung. I'm not really hun-" Felix started to say, but Changbin interrupted him.

"NO Felix. You need food. You've lost so much weight. When was the last time you ate anyway?"

Changbin grabbed Felix's shoulders and made him sit at the table. Knowing he wouldn't eat much anyway, he served up a tiny portion of rice and meat and put it in front of Felix.

"Eat"

Picking up the chopsticks, Felix took a bite. It was strange how the taste of the food was delicious, but still felt like sawdust in his mouth. Changbin smiled to see Felix actually eat a couple of mouthfuls. Felix let out a bleak chuckle at the boy's smile.

"Your reputation as a dark rapper, would be sunk if people saw you being this domestic Hyung"

"What can I say? I'm an enigma," Binnie retorted.

The exchange gave Changbin hope. Maybe Felix was feeling better after his walk to the beach. Maybe he was clawing his way out of the misery he'd felt for the past several weeks. He was about to suggest they watch a movie after dinner, when Felix suddenly pushed his chair back and thanked him for the meal, saying he wanted to work on a new song he was writing.

Changbin stayed at the table, quickly finding that he'd lost his appetite as well. Looks like Felix was still stuck in his depression over Chan. He had never regretted anything more, than working with Chan that day, several months back. If he'd never said yes to the collaboration, Felix would never have met him. And if that had never happened, Felix would be his normal self, and maybe Changbin would have had the courage to confess his love by now. Maybe they'd be boyfriends by now, and maybe Changbin would have everything he ever wanted. Maybe...

He slapped the table with his palm loudly.

"Why did I ever say yes to working with Chan?"