Deep End

Part 5

After he'd finished tidying the kitchen, Felix sat at his keyboard in his room. Running through his mind were the lines he'd just come up with.

'The way you used to touch my soul
Was always so sweet and lovely

No matter how far apart we were

You'd always pick up the phone'

He smiled as he thought back to the start of his relationship with Chan. A whirlwind of experiences, he and Chan had spent the first couple of weeks almost completely together. Days and nights swirled into one giant tsunami of joy and emotion. They spent their time seeing and doing so much. It was like Chan was trying to stuff a lifetime of fun and love into a month. Felix was, by nature, a person that needed physical touch to thrive, but even his need for touch was eclipsed by Chan's desperate desire for it. They were constantly hugging each other, caressing cheeks, holding hands, and stroking each other's hair, while nights were filled with bodies snuggling close with Felix's head buried in Chan's neck to sleep. All this physical attention was bliss for Felix but he wondered if it was ever going to slow down. At times, it felt like Felix had fallen in love with a hurricane.

Every now and then, Felix felt twinges of guilt for neglecting his friends. He was home so little, it was practically as if he'd moved in with Chan overnight. Then he would look at Chan and it was virtually like looking at the sun. He was blinded to any other thoughts or feelings. Chan had a way of erasing any doubts with his mesmerising smile. Felix fell for Chan, hard and fast. He was inexperienced, so thought this was what love was. An all-consuming fire that threatened to rage out of control at any given moment.

Felix moved to his bed, leaning against his pillows and hugged his knees, thinking to himself. Did things start to change when Chan went on tour, or was it before that day? Was it the day Chan had told him he was going on tour perhaps?

Their morning was languid and unhurried, exploring each other's bodies in a sensuous but lazy manner. After finally getting ready for the day, Chan made brunch for them both. While eating, Chan let Felix know he had plans to take Felix to the beach and then to the lookout so they could watch the sunset over the ocean. Felix felt a gleeful smile rest on his cheeks, he loved the beach - to him, the water was a way to heal his soul.

The day was a delight for Felix, laying on a towel in the warm sun filled him with pure joy. It was only early in the Summer, but it was warm enough to spend hours in the ocean, basking in the sun's rays, as well as Chan's love. He rolled over onto his side, listening to Chan talk about his music. Felix loved listening to his enthusiasm and adored seeing how excited he was, when talking about his work. He was thoroughly adorable. If it wasn't for the fact that Chan hated people interrupting him, Felix would have grabbed his hand, kissed his knuckles and told him that he loved him. He'd never said those words before - to anyone other than his family - but this was such a happy day, that maybe the time was right.

Before he could open his mouth though, Chan grabbed his hand and started to pack up their things.

'Time to head to the lookout!' and dragged Felix to his car.

Chan grinned as he and Felix got out of the car. 'Perfect! No one else here,' as he looked around.

Felix got the picnic blanket and basket of food out of the car boot, as Chan chose the best spot to watch the sunset. It was truly beautiful up here and the sunset promised to be a spectacular one. There was something truly exceptionable about sunsets over the ocean, Felix thought.

Unpacking the food from the basket, Chan looked at Felix and said

'I have something to tell you.'

Felix looked up at Chan with a curious expression. Was Chan going to say that he loved him? A bubble of excitement grew in Felix's tummy. He sat up straighter and held Chan's hand gently.

'I'm going on tour next week!'

'It'll be for a month and I'll be going overseas too. Can you believe it? It's finally starting to happen for me. I'm so excited.'

Felix's jaw dropped slightly and the bubble inside popped. Next week? Tours don't get organised in a week. How long has Chan known this? Why didn't he tell him earlier? What would Felix do without him?

'No response?'

Felix quickly looked at Chan and plastered a smile on his face. 'Congratulations! That's awesome news. I'm so thrilled people are finally recognising your genius. A whole month though?'

Chan beamed his dazzling smile at Felix and patted his hand.

'I know, but don't worry, we can call each other every day.'

The sun slipped into the deep velvet blue waves below them. The sky burned with tones of tangerine and rose before deepening to a deep indigo. Yet neither boy took any notice of the spectacular sight in front of them. Both thinking of the same topic but with very different emotions swirling in their hearts.

–

'No matter how far apart we were
You'd always pick up the phone'

Felix sang this part over and over, trying to find the right cadence and wording, finally settling on the original words he had found. He scribbled it down in his notebook.

The week before the tour was a crazy one for Felix. He helped Chan to pack and sort out the last minute tasks that had cropped up. Chan was leaving soon and they were so busy that it felt like they barely had any time together. Felix had even started sleeping in his own flat again. He felt empty and lonely, and Chan hadn't even left yet.

A week later and the tour continued. Felix was missing Chan enormously. At least he'd been able to speak to his boyfriend daily, even if sometimes it was only for a couple of minutes.

Snuggled up in his bed, he dialled Chan's number. Chan picked up saying 'Hey baby!' They chatted for about 15 minutes before Chan said, sorrowfully, that he had to go. It was time to get ready for that night's show.

After a saccharinely sweet goodbye to Felix, Chan hung up and dropped his phone on the nightstand.

The figure laying next to Chan muttered 'Fucking finally' and rolled over towards Chan.

'When are you going to tell him?'

'Soon,' Chan sighed.

'I hate you.'

Chan giggled 'I love you too Seungmin,' hugging him tightly.