Die for You

Chapter 5

My first day as a Secure365 employee had been, well, eventful to say the least. I'd gone from a washed up, fucked up ex-squaddie to respectable member of society, with a platinum company credit card and a very nice car, in what seemed like a matter of hours.

On the whole though it was a better experience than an assessment day, or having to do one of those fucking NVQs the careers advisor had told me were oh so necessary to land a decent job.

Well, now I had a decent job, and one I was well trained for. Something told me that this role would be challenging and possibly a little dangerous. Basically it was going to be fun!

Fortunately, Lauren was happy to help me find my own style while shopping at Westfield. Although I didn't love the extreme makeover she had initially suggested, I hoped she would slow down and listen to me. Even though my credit card was used a lot, I kept purchases reasonable and stayed under the 5K limit.

Most of the items I bought would be covered under the company's employee benefit of paid work-wear. She lectured me repeatedly, insisting JJ would agree if he knew better. By the end of the trip, I had pretty much everything I needed to get me started and I'd barely touched my 'own' money.

My one success for the evening, the one thing that made me feel happy was convincing Lauren and JJ to let me take them for a meal; it seemed only fair after all their help.

After paying the bill and saying goodbye, Lauren gave me a hug and JJ wished me luck. I got into my Beemer and enjoyed the plush seat.

Meeting JJ was fortunate. I spent a happy moment considering the fact that, if I fell asleep right now, it would be the second most comfortable place I'd slept in all year.

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The apartment was stunning and I loved it.

Well, actually, the flat was plain, with a small kitchen, a pokey en-suite bathroom and a main bathroom. However, the complex had everything a busy executive would want including secure parking, 24-hour security, mod cons, a gym and access to a small pool.

So, despite it being late, I found myself at the pool wearing a Speedo Aquablade swimsuit I had treated myself to while shopping.

Growing up, I didn't have friends nor participate in activities. Instead, I spent most of my time reading at home. I had no interest in typical kid activities and didn't get much exercise until I learned how to swim. 

Swimming became my passion and gave me fitness, confidence, and solitude. Swimming was a solo competition, with me as both winner and loser. Each time in the water or gym, I aimed to improve. I cherished this independent pursuit, swimming with returning grace and reconnecting with my inner thoughts. It was a rare chance to reflect.

I've likely exhausted my lifetime dose of luck. I survived IED attacks in Basra and ambushes in Grishk, and now I've secured a job. It feels like a higher power is watching over me, and I hope it's true given the friends I've lost.

I wondered if perhaps it was mum; We had the traditional mother-daughter reconciliation when I was sixteen. I'd realized then that being a moody fuck wasn't mature. After that, we didn't have much time together.

She told me she had cancer six months later, and seven months after that, she passed away with me by her side. Her last words telling me it was going to be all right, that she loved me and that I was to stay strong and follow my heart.

At 17, I was broken when the only person in my life passed. I did what I had to and signed on the dotted line. The army basic training helped bury my grief.

I miss her though. I miss her everyday. It's her strength I draw on through the rough times; fighting through the pain and the fear, every time telling myself that whatever I was going through, it's nothing like what mum had to suffer and she always smiled, she always had a smile for me.