Die for You

Chapter 43

My swim was disturbed by the slamming of a door, the peace shattered by footsteps walking towards the tiny changing room. I ploughed onwards through the water, desperate to get those last few, glorious, moments of peace and tranquillity while I could before the holiday makers returned the pool to the screaming playpen it had been when I'd arrived.

After another ten lengths, I realized that my little slice of American heaven was still intact; that whomever had walked in on me hadn't actually entered the water yet, that I was still alone. Curiously, that disturbed my concentration more than the splashing and screaming would have done, that gnawing curiosity eating away at me until I could stand it no more. Halfway down the length, I saw something out of the corner of my eye as I took a quick breath; a flash of red flicked into and out of my vision as I completed my stroke and with a lurch, I pulled up to see what it was I had seen.

I don't think it was much of a surprise when I saw that Becky was stood at the edge of the pool watching me.

"Hi," she said as I turned to face her, my arms and legs moving to keep me afloat. "I erm... I didn't know where you were."

"Looks like you found me, though," I replied, calming my breathing.

"Yeah, I guessed you might be down here," she said with what looked like tears in her eyes. "I wanted to come and speak to you."

I pulled myself out of my swim lane and paddled over towards her, pausing a few feet from the edge. We looked at each other in silence for a while before she took a deep breath and let it out, screwing her eyes tightly closed.

"You were right, Freenky, I was jealous... I am jealous," she blurted out, a sob in her voice. She opened her eyes and looked up at the glass ceiling. I felt the water lap against my neck as I floated there, waiting for her to continue.

"I admit it," she continued, another tear falling, "I'm a jealous bitch and I'm really, really sorry. I didn't trust you and that wasn't fair of me."

"Thank you," I said simply, treading water carefully.

"I don't have an excuse, but I do have an explanation. I think you need to know why I acted like I did," she said, kicking off her sandals and sitting down on the edge, her feet making waves as she dunked them into the water. "It's only fair. You've shared so much of your past with me, it's time I did the same."

"Only if you need to tell me," I replied softly, glad that the pool was still empty. "Don't do it for me."

"I want to do it for you," she replied, the words spewing out through her falling tears, "I need you to understand, okay? I don't want to be like Amanda. I'm not like her. I'm not jealous because I want to control you like she did, I'm jealous because I don't want to lose you."

"Lose me?" I asked, paddling a bit closer to her. "What are you on about?"

She screwed her face up tight and rubbed at her eyes with her hands, smearing her make up.

"I was scared, Freenky, so fucking scared that I would lose you so soon after I found you. It's not like it would be the first time it's happened to me."

I waited silently, the lapping of the water between us the only noise I could hear apart from her breathing; breathing that was punctuated by sniffles.

"When I was an undergraduate at Oxford, I fell in love with one of the older students. I mean proper head over heels in love, not just a silly infatuation. Her name..." she paused looking out across the pool. "Well, it's not important what her name was, but she was the first person I fell for, and I fell hard. I was in my second year, and she was in her last. I won't go into the details, but she was the one who chased me and I loved it. For the first time in my life, someone wanted me. I was the center of attention and it was for all the right reasons.