A/N: No idea what I'm doing here but I want to get into writing again and this fan fiction always seems to help me get over my writers block. So enjoy my motivation to continue this whilst it lasts. Let me know what you think. xx
The white sheets are draped over my naked body when I wake up. It takes me a moment to remember what happened last night but when I turn my head and see Brads dark locks spread over the pillow next to me, a smile forms on my face. He still seems fast asleep, his chest lifting with every breath he takes.
I turn over so I can face him. The subtle movement of the mattress makes Brad shift a little, but he doesn't open his eyes. He looks so incredibly peaceful that I can't help myself. I softly stroke his cheek with my thumb. His soft skin under my own brings back more memories of last night and I can feel the goosebumps on my whole body.
When Brad suddenly opens his eyes I'm so surprised I almost gasp and quickly withdraw my hand. The sound of the soft chuckle that escapes his lips immediately makes me heart beat a little faster.
"Morning."
His voice is rough and I don't think I've ever heard anything more beautiful.
Yet I can't help the mixture of embarrassment and shyness creeping up because I'm still naked and I'm in bed with Brad and my brain can't really comprehend what's happened between us.
"Morning", I say and try to pull the covers up a bit and hide behind the sheets.
Brads smile turns into a smirk. "What are you doing?"
I roll my eyes at him. "I'm still naked."
His smile just gets more brighter after that. "Nothing I've not seen last night."
"Well, yeah but..." Before I can figure what I'm even trying to say Brad's smile falls and he lifts himself up on his elbow a little bit.
"You don't regret it, do you?"
I quickly shake my head. "No, no, definitely not. No regrets."
The relief is instantly visible in Brads eyes as he lies back down. I reach my hand out for his. "Sorry. It's just -" I stop because if I'm being completely honest, I don't even know what it is. I felt good last night. I didn't have too much trouble letting Brad see my body.
"Hey, hey. Liz?"
I look straight into his big brown eyes.
"You need to actually say the words so I can understand what's going on up there." His voice is soft and I can tell he's being very careful with his words. And that alone almost has me on the verge of tears. So I take a deep breath before I speak up.
"I'm just a bit too in my head right now. I enjoyed last night, I really did. And my heart knows that. But there's this voice in my head that's furious I let you see me like this without having starved for a couple days and without going for several runs before. I know it's stupid but that voice can be really convincing sometimes." I let out a deep sigh because never in my life would I have thought I could ever trust a person enough to say these words out loud. But I do. I trust Brad.
I've not even realized I've been tearing up but my cheeks are getting damp. Before I can brush the tears away, Brad leans in. His lips press to my cheeks until he's kissed every single tear away. Then his lips find mine and I melt into his touch.
"I'm so sorry you have to go through that."
We're both quietly listening to each other's breathing for a while. Eventually I can tell Brad's formed some thoughts in his head he's contemplating to say out loud. He's got the little crinkles on his forehead again and it almost makes me laugh. "Now you better follow your own advice and speak your thoughts."
A tiny smile forms on his lips but it quickly fades.
"I don't want to be insensitive."
"You'd never say anything hurtful on purpose to me, would you?"
He shakes his head. "No, of course not."
"See, and I know that."
It still takes him a moment to form his words. "Is there anything I can do? And I don't want this to sound like I'm making this about me. I know it doesn't matter who's seeing or touching you, you'd have all those thoughts anyway. Bu it there anything I can do to help you get through this or make it easier?"
The hurt that's so evident in his voice breaks my heart a little.
"I've not let anyone see let alone touch me in years because of those thoughts. So if you asked me, you've already done quite a lot to get me into this bed with you", I try to joke but I can tell Brad's not having it.
"It's true though. You just have to be you and apparently that's made me forget all about the negative thoughts last night." It takes a lot in me not to shy away from looking into his eyes whilst I say those words. But I want him to know I truly mean them. "My therapist always told me I'd need to do the things that make me feel uncomfortable so I could overcome them. She told me to take more pictures of myself, dress in clothes that actually fit me and aren't three sizes too big and look at myself in the mirror."
"So, you can do those things now without the voice getting louder?"
"I've definitely gotten better at it."
His hand is still holding on to mine and he lightly squeezes it.
"Maybe it's now time to take the exposure therapy a step further." I make myself laugh with that thought. "Get naked more often."
That also makes Brad chuckle. "Hopefully with me?"
I grin. "Yes, with you Brad."
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To Be Loved By You - Brad Simpson Fanfiction
Fanfiction- stuck in her mind, like her favourite song - Elisabeth, or Lizzy as she likes to be called, can't believe it. It was supposed to be a joke. She sent her CV and the motivation letter on the off chance, not thinking that she ever did have an actual...
