Contract With the Commander: Kylo x OC

Chapter 14

Quinn

How is a month not enough time to get over this?! Again, I wake up cold and alone in my quarters, aching from lack of sleep, my eyes burning from all the crying, and my throat dry and scratchy. Frowning at my dark, empty room, I throw the blanket off me and turn off my alarm. I frown at myself in the mirror as I brush back my hair into a tight bun.

"He rejected you, but it wasn't about you. It was about him." As often as I've told myself this over the last month, it's still difficult to believe. If I had just been less pushy, maybe I could have convinced him. I like to imagine that I have enough charm to convince someone to go down on me, especially when they seem like they want to.

I would feel better if I could just tell someone. It's like he wanted me to suffer for all eternity and let this secret burrow its way into my mind forever and hover over me like a bat.

I tried to use my vibrator for the first time last night. It was laughable. Even after getting myself all worked up beforehand from perusing porn on the holonet, I couldn't seem to orgasm. Two hours of effort in vain. There's just nothing as good as that magic vibration. He had the wave pattern down to minute changes in my arousal. I could cum in under a minute without him laying a single finger on me. And now, here I am- impotent, looking at my tired eyes in the mirror as I pin my First Order hat to my pounding head.

It's fucking pitiful. He didn't even care about me enough to chit chat. He's probably balls deep into some officer, sending her to another plane of existence. Maker, what I wouldn't give for that kind of relief right now. If he hasn't yet found someone else, I wonder if he'd be willing to...

"No." My gut twists with disgust. I can't go crawling back to him, no matter how bad I might want to.

I strap my boots on, and yawn on my way to the command bridge for another boring day of hovering over Star Killer Base. I pray to anyone that will listen that the commander stays far away from my workstation. So far, I haven't seen him on the bridge, and it almost makes me think that I made the whole thing up. I might start to believe it if I didn't still have that painful twist in my gut.

The work day turns out to be uneventful as promised. I force a laugh when my assistant nav officer tells me a stupid joke, approve a bunch of transports back and forth to the base, and make sure nothing suspicious is headed our way.

My feet drag to the meal hall, and the food is just the same as it always is, but has been so bland lately that I can barely eat it. I sit in silence as Oh-two keeps her head down and Davy talks our ears off.

"Okay, that's it!"

The sound of his fork hitting his tray brings my gaze up to his frustrated face. His brown eyes stare me down. "What has happened to you?"

What's wrong with you? I blink, my cheeks growing warm. "Nothing. I don't know what you're talking about."

His exasperated gaze rounds on Oh-two. "You don't have anything to say?"

She shrugs her slender shoulders without looking at me. It's been tense ever since our argument, but Davy doesn't seem to have noticed until now.

He frowns deeply at me. "You look like absolute bantha shit."

I say sarcastically, "wow. Thanks."

"I'm serious. Your eyes have been all puffy and red for weeks. It looks like you aren't sleeping, and you're not eating very much."

I blink back the burn in my eyes. I had no idea that Davy paid that much attention to me at all. Oh-two finally looks up, and I avert my gaze from her. "I'm fine, I just haven't been sleeping well. It'll sort itself out."