Contract With the Commander: Kylo x OC

Chapter 18

Kylo Ren

Everything fucking sucks. I haven't stepped foot in my office for a month, but I can't stay away from my quarters indefinitely. Everywhere I go on the Finalizer holds memories of Quinn. Fucking Quinn. I fucking hate her. No I don't. But I do. I crave her every moment of every day, wondering what she's doing, what she's thinking about, who she's talking to, if she's moved on from me. I'm obsessed. And that's the last thing I wanted when I started that contract with her. I just needed some relief. Some connection.

I sometimes wonder if the obsession would go away if I could see her again. But she doesn't want to see me. She could contact me at any time. And I was the one who left in the first place. I'm tired of angrily jerking off in the shower to the memory of her moans and her wet cunt, but finding someone else is equally as upsetting. I just have to get over her. It's not like she matters to me. She was a means to an end. I spend more time missing her body than I do missing her smile and personality and presence. Well... marginally more time.

I try to go about my days as the commander of the First Order. And I don't spend any more time than is absolutely necessary on the Finalizer. Hux has been an absolute fucking nightmare the last several days down on Star Killer Base. I've destroyed two control panels with my lightsaber, and it didn't calm me down afterwards. I can't control a single ounce of my anger or my power.

Right now, Hux is angrily huffing at tsking at his datapad as we stride through the Finalizer together. I just got back from Batuu in my command shuttle, and met Hux in the lift. Apparently we're both summoned to the chamber to see Snoke. I can't think of any mistakes I might have made in the last two weeks since I last saw his giant projection, but what the fuck do I know. After years, I'm still trying to prove myself to him.

Our footsteps echo around the spacious throne room as we stride side by side on the catwalk toward the empty space at the end. After a moment, the giant projection of Snoke appears. His gaze pins me to the spot, and I feel Hux stiffen next to me.

"Starkiller?" Snoke asks in a dull voice.

I focus on keeping my mind clear of unwanted thoughts while Hux prattles on about the progress of the base. I list through all the things my master is likely to ask me about after he's done discussing Star Killer base with Hux. My training, of course. And my exhaustive list of leads that are supposed to point me toward the lost map to Skywalker.

"The officer- 35802," Snoke says.

My attention perks. I know that officer tag. A pale freckled face comes to mind. And then another face flashes across my thoughts. Quinn. The two officers are friends. My heart picks up its pace, and I quickly stamp it back down.

Hux stiffens proudly. "The officer shows no sign of hesitation or insubordination. She knows exactly what she's done, and is proud to have assisted the First Order in the weapon's final design. The team she oversees follows her without question."

So, 35802 fixed the overheating problem with Star Killer. And she's proud of her work. Or at least she's making Hux think that she's proud. Perhaps I'll meet with her to find out for sure. This is a delicate business, especially with the increased activity from the resistance recently. And I might be able to glean some insight about the person her and I have vested interest in. 

Snoke senses my mind working. "Young Kylo Ren," he growls.

On command, I lift my hands up and remove my helmet, holding it in front of me so I have something for my hands to grip. I pull in a steadying breath, preparing myself for the onslaught. Hux doesn't get dismissed, so I need to be ready for public humiliation, as Snoke sometimes uses.

His harsh voice fills the chamber. "Your search for the map to Skywalker."

Anger bristles at the mere mention of the name. "I have followed several leads, and continue to get closer."