What Are You So Scared Of?

Chapter 3

Tay insisted upon sleeping over tonight, to make sure I wouldn't do anything to myself. The rest of the night was spent with her catering to my every need, which I have to admit was a little weird for me. My parents aren't particularly involved in my life, don't get me wrong they raised me and everything, but once I hit 10 or 11 they kind of left the rest up to me, focusing more on my little brother.

"Tay, you really don't have to stay if you don't want to. I can handle myself." I say to her.

"Jenna.. if I didn't want to stay I wouldn't. I want to. I want to be there for you as much as you are always there for me" she says. "Every time Alex and I fight, you're always there to comfort me. it's my turn to be there for you."

"Okay... how about you get some sleep, it's late and you must be exhausted." I say.

"No way Jenna, I'm not sleeping until I know you're safe and sound."

We put on Netflix, and Tay puts on my favorite shows. As dumb as it sounds, I love watching food network. So she puts on a few episodes of Iron Chef America, and eventually I actually doze off for the first time in a few days.

...

I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. Tay is curled up beside me, sleeping soundly, her breath even and she's lightly snoring. I, on the other hand, feel very restless and nervous, I can't sit still. Afraid of waking up Tay, I get out of bed and tip toe carefully across my room to my closet and grab the backpack I'm looking for. Luckily, my parents aren't home and neither is my brother, so I quietly open the side door of my house and walk down the deck steps to go sit on the patio. I glance at my phone, the clock reads 4:45am.

I sigh and unzip the backpack, pulling out my small mason jar of you guessed it, weed.
"Fuck," I mumble, forgetting to grab my bong from inside. I decide on rolling a joint, evenly breaking up the buds and lining it along the papers. I roll it tight and seal it with a lick, and hold the joint to my lips. I spark the lighter and inhale deeply. Finally, I can settle down. A familiar warmth floods my body, and my thoughts seem to disappear, not a care in the world. A few puffs later and the joint is down so small I can barely hit it without burning my fingers. I drop it on the ground and stomp it out, just as I'm doing so I hear the side door click open.

"Jenna? Are you out here?" Tay asks the air in a worried tone.
"Yeah.. just a sec" I murmur and come around the corner to the deck. I wave and smirk a bit, and she lets a big sigh of relief out. "Smells like pot out here," she innocently says, before turning to me and smiling very wide. "Why didn't you wake me up I totally would've come outside with you."
"Ah... I don't know.. Just needed a minute to breathe" I say back, sitting down and patting the cushion next to me on the patio furniture. Tay sleepily shuffles over, sitting a couple inches away from me.

"Jen you REEK" she says, laughing while doing so. "Whatever, it's just weed. Organic and shit" I laugh and banter back. I look up at the sky, then down to my phone. "The sun's about to rise, look up." I say to Tay, and she eagerly looks up like a little kid. Her eyes are so wide with amazement, and I can't help but stare at her. Even with the worst bed head ever and morning breath, Tay is still breathtaking. She catches me staring, and breaks her gaze from the sky.
"Whatcha lookin' at?" she asks me.
"You" I say and smile, she giggles in response. Boy she does giggle a lot.
"I know dumby, but why?"
"Because you're.. you're you. You're beautiful Tay." I say with a hint of hesitation. Tay blushes a bit before she quickly turns her head, which is odd because I've never seen her blush like that before.
"Look at the sky, it's better than me. You're just stoned." she mumbles, brushing her hair behind her ear and fidgeting in her seat.

By now, the sun is rising, brilliant shades of blues and purples light up the sky, and all I can do is sit there with my mouth slightly agape and think about what else is out there. What other people are watching this same sunrise, thinking how beautiful the colors are together? Life's weird like that, the whole concept of never knowing what someone else is thinking is so peculiar. Tay nudges my arm, breaking my trance and getting off the couch next to me. I follow after her, both of us walking inside.

She walks back down the hallway and goes back to my bedroom, probably to sleep some more (she's not really a morning person) while I decide to make an early breakfast for the two of us. My thoughts are still so fuzzy as I meander around the kitchen, trying to decide what I want to make. I settle for a box of Cheerios, not even willing to put them in a bowl before I devour them straight from the box and doze off at the kitchen table.

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ahh sorry shitty filler chapter because I didn't have a plan for this chapter. again wicked sorry this chapter sucks, and there will be continued recreational drug use, just a mental health and self harm trigger warning because that's also probably gonna play a key role. or probably not. who knows??? aha hope u guys are enjoying it so far