What Are You So Scared Of?

Chapter 9

"Jenna how about we skip the rest of the day and just go back to my house, does that sound good?" Tay softly whispers, with me still curled into her lap.

My sobbing has since stopped, and the last ten minutes has been the most soothing ten minutes of my whole week. Just Tay rubbing small circles on my back, occasionally running her fingers through my hair while whispering apologies constantly.

I start to get up, but before I can fully stand up Tay pulls me back onto her lap and into the biggest, warmest hug. I shiver, not realizing how cold it was in the closet before she hugged me. We sit there in silence for a moment, our only company within each other's arms.

Tay leans away, and we both get up. I pull my sleeves down, trying to hide the mess on my arms but there's no point, my flannel has blood on the arms and it's blatantly obvious.

"Here, wear my hoodie." Tay says and before I can object, she's already pulling it upwards off her body, pulling her shirt underneath up with it. I catch a glimpse of her toned stomach, and have to force myself to look away before she sees me.

I slip into her blink 182 hoodie, an old Christmas present I got her a few years back, and her familiar and comforting vanilla perfume engulfs me.

Tay is the one to first reach for the door, and I just shuffle after her, still a little high and pretty exhausted from today's events. We make it out to the parking lot and to Tay's car without a staff member from school saying anything to us, luckily.

The drive home is silent, I don't think either of us knows what to say first. Tay is very visibly antsy while driving, constantly adjusting herself and moving around in the seat.

"Uh.. J-Jen?" she breaks the silence, and I turn my head towards her.

"Yeah?"

"How many times have you bled because of me in the past week?"

Again, silence. I'm actually speechless, I have no idea what to say.

"Tay... it wasn't because of you.. I fucked up. I fucked up big time. My biggest secret just thrown out into the open because I decided to get shitfaced. I ruined our friendship." I mumble in a rambling fashion, as to prevent her from cutting me off.

"But you didn't ruin anything Jenna. How could I abandon my bestfriend just because of her sexuality? I could nev-"

"Then why didn't you fucking run after me Tay? Why? I ran all the way home, the entire time thinking I had just lost the person who means the most to me. Wh-y didn't you come to me Tay?" I stutter out, my breath hitching at the end. My voice cracks and I sniffle a bit, but I will not get upset again in front of Tay.

'Keep your composure Mcdougall' I tell myself, and I snap my head around to the window, staring out it with the best poker face I can put on.

"Jenna. Hear me out." Tay takes a hand off the wheel and runs her fingers through her hair, a habit she's had whenever she's stressed since before I can remember. "I was never mad, sad, angry, or disappointed with you for kissing Hayley and basically accidentally coming out."

"Then what were you?"

"I.. I don't know," she says, her voice shaking just as much as my hands are.

She pulls into her driveway, and puts the car in park. I reach down to unlock the door, and it won't budge. I slam my hands down on the dash, and just completely lose it.

"God FUCKING damnit!" I scream and lean forward, covering my face with my hands and trying to breathe through the immense frustration I'm feeling right now. It's like every pent up bit of anger was just let loose inside me.

Tay doesn't say a word, just walks around to the passenger door, opens it, and scoops me up bridal style and carries me into her house. I bury my face into her neck and try to regulate my breathing, again.

"I'm s-sorry Tay," I whisper into her neck, and she just continues to carry me into her room.

"Nothing to be sorry for Jen, now sleep off this high and we'll talk when you're up okay?" she says as she places me down on her bed, not before lifting the comforter and adjusting the pillows.

I eventually doze off, the warmth from Tay spooning me is enough to have me finally get some sleep knowing that I have my best friend back.

A/N
so I'm trying to keep to my more frequent update promise, and I'm sorry this chapter kinda sucks.