What Are You So Scared Of?

Chapter 5

a/n
sorry about the wait i haven't had any motivation and ahh I just couldn't put into words what i wanted to do with the story sorry sorry sorry!!!!

"Jen can you get the door?" Tay asks me as the bell goes off at her front door. "Yeah sure," I say, walking out of her room and making my way downstairs to the door. I open it and it's Jake and Tay's friend Jordan.

"Jennnnnnnnn how are youuuuUuuuu" Jake slurs, clearly pretty drunk already. "Sorry Jen, we pregammed a bit and Jake here had a little more than his share" Jordan glares at Jake, to which Jake just laughs.

"Alright alright, Jake buddy you need to sit down," I stifle a laugh for his sake, even though at this point who knows if he'd remember.

I hear a few car doors slam and voices in the distance outside, so I prop the door open and jog upstairs to get Tay, since it is her party. I walk into her room and open the door to the sight that made me gag. Tay was being held up against the wall, legs tightly curled around her long term boyfriend Alex Gaskarth's waist. Her neck was craned to the side, eyes closed as Alex attacked her neck with his lips. Suddenly Tay opens her eyes and says "Shit shit shit Jenna I'm sorry" as she pushes Alex away from her and drops to the ground, struggling to maintain her balance.

"It's... don't worry about it," I manage to mumble out. "I'll head downstairs, just wanted to tell you people are h-here", I choke, quickly turning away so Tay would just assume it was my stutter and not me getting upset.

"Jenna wait up!" she yells after me, but there's no use, I'm already half way downstairs and ready to forget about ever walking into that heartbreaking side. I know Tay feels absolutely nothing for me like that, I get the fact that she's straight but every time I see her with Alex, or anyone for that matter my heart breaks over and over again. Ironic huh, my best friend is the one ruining me without even meaning to. I sigh, making my way into the kitchen and I'm greeted by a few of my friends pouring lines of shots on the table.

"Jenna you.. you look rough kid. What's on your mind?" my friend Hayley asks me, besides Tay she's probably my closest female friend (who also happens to like girls like me). "Nothing I'm alright, whatcha guys got?" I say as if nothing has just happened, not in the mood to talk about anything right now.

"Well, we're pouring some Skyy Vodka right now but I'm pretty sure Whak's bringing a handle of Bacardi." "Great! Count me in," I say and grab two shot glasses. I throw my head back and swallow the first one in half a second flat, then before I open my eyes I'm doing the second one. "Holy shit Jenna, keep it going!!!" Jake cheers me on from the couch, slumped in the corner sipping from a red solo cup, who knows what's in it.

I grab another three shot glasses, and with the encouragement of everyone around me, I pour down the line of them and without a second thought I bring each to my lips right after another. I'm feeling pretty fuckin' great right now, besides the burning in my chest the liquor hasn't really hit me yet.Two additional shots later and a loud chorus of chants "JEN-NA! JEN-NA! JEN-NA!" coming from everyone at the party, Tay walks
down the stairs and takes in the sight before her.

She knows I'm not a heavy drinker, I'd much prefer to smoke a bit of weed instead of getting sloppy drunk. Clearly, tonight is a bit different. My head isn't working, I can't think straight and I'm in a complete drunk haze. I stumble towards her, banging my leg on the table and dropping to the floor. For some reason, this is the funniest thing ever to me, despite the bruise forming I'm giggling from the floor as everyone around me takes out their phones and takes videos for their snapchat stories.

"Okay who the fuck let Jenna get shit faced?" Tay demands as she walks into the room, scanning it with a glare that could cause anyone to cower. The next song comes on and blasts through the stereo system in the next room, drowning most of what she said out.

Meanwhile, I'm still on the floor, but in a weak attempt to get up I stumble to my feet and start falling towards Tay, she luckily notices and puts her arms out to catch me. I lean my head against her shoulder, not able to hold my own head up. I giggle into her neck, and she just looks down at me and smirks. The anger diminishes from her face, and she seems pretty amused by my state. Hey, I would be too. I'm fucking hilarious.

"TayyYyyyyyyy hi love your party is awesomeeeeeeeeeee" I slur in a line of nearly unintelligible words, and she just laughs. "Jen how much have you had to drink?" She questions, and I shrug my shoulders. "2 drink. I had two drink." I try to say assertively, but nothing is coming out like it should be.

"Tay, she did 7 vodka shots with no chaser...." Hayley says from the corner of the room, and Tay's jaw drops.

"Holy shit, you never drink this much. She says to me and walks me into the living room, laughing as she lightly pushes me into the couch. I fall backwards, nearly completely lip and just laugh. I can feel myself smile from cheek to cheek, and Tay just shakes her head like a mom.

"T-Tay I'm fineeeee don't worryyyy. I did barely any d-drinks," I continue to slur my words horribly. "Oh yeah, you 'did barely any drinks'? Sweet grammar Jen." She smiles, and walks into the kitchen. I see Alex come downstairs, buttoning his pants. Fucking gross, who knows what they did. My happiness fades and my blurry vision and dazed mind goes blank, not like I could think straight anyway.

I try my best to stand, but it doesn't work out too well and I just take uneven steps and stumble into Hayley. I firmly press my lips to hers, an impulsive decision but judging by her reaction she is totally okay with this. I lean against the wall because I sure as hell cant balance on my own right now, and my arms wrap around her waist, pulling her closer. She tastes like alcohol and mint, and our tongues battle for dominance in the worlds most sloppy kiss ever. She lets out a small whimper, which fuels me more. Her hands tangle in my hair, pulling at the fine hairs on the back of my neck. I shudder at the contact, but I hear glass shatter behind me, and I pull away to see Tay's eyes widen and watch a look of alarm flood her face.

I step away from Hayley, finally able to walk on my own, but Tay just takes a step back.

"Jen.. do.. do you like girls?" She says, very cautiously and I can feel myself blushing intensely. "I-I-... I uhh... Yeah" I mumble, biting my lip and awkwardly putting my hand on the back of my neck. I shrug and avoid eye contact with Tay, my mind still on autopilot from all the alcohol. I try and make my way towards the door, surprisingly not losing my footing and I slam it behind me. I only wore a pair of skinny jeans and a glamour kills tee shirt to the party, so the cold is almost too much for me and I debate walking back inside.

i quickly decide against that and start running down the sidewalk, it's probably around midnight by now and I must be quite the sight to see. The littlest bit of makeup I was wearing is running down my face and I'm half drunk running down the street. Nice. I have no idea where to go, so I just go home and sneak in my bedroom window. I can't change into anything, I don't have the strength to do anything except kick off my now filthy vans and crawl into bed. I sob into my pillow silently, and think about what just happened. What the fuck will Tay think of me now? She seemed so alarmed. I'm so screwed, I just lost my best friend.