a/n pretty intense self harm trigger warning for this chapter
*skip to Friday of that week*
It's officially been a week since the party, and that was the last time Tay looked at me, talked to me, or acknowledged my existence.
Every morning and every night, the same thing for me. I wake up to the horrid beeping of my alarm clock, I grab my blade and head to the bathroom. What's one more cut to the probably 30 that already litter both of my forearms? I slice across the pale skin of my inner arm and the familiar comforting sting returns to me. How crazy is it that something so harmful can be the closest thing to comfort I've felt in a week?
To my disbelief, I went a little deeper than I intended and the skin splits apart a bit. I don't even bother to bandage it up, I just slip a flannel on and button it to the top, as to hide as much of me as possible. I just brush out my natural hair and grab my special backpack from under my bed and my mason jar filled with weed.
I quickly roll a joint, surprisingly it's pretty nice and tight despite my rush and shakiness. Tay used to hold my hands together and breathe into them, smiling as she claimed that I'm always shaking because my fingers are cold. I don't know how much longer I can take, this distance between Tay and I.
I puff on the joint, laying on the small love seat couch in my room, not even bothering to crack a window or anything. When I say I've smoked enough to keep a 500lbs man high for a month straight just in this week, I mean it. I spray a little perfume on myself and I'm out the door, not even bothering to put eye drops in to hide the fact that they're a bright red.
My flannel is sticking to my freshly cut arms and I'm high as a kite walking to school for the 5th day in a row. The 5th day of doing every possible thing I know to escape this fucked up reality. It seems to be working because as I walk into school I run directly into Hayley because I'm so unaware of my surroundings.
"Holy shit watch we're you're fucking- JENNA! Where have you been? I haven't seen you since the party and neither have any of the guys or Tay!" I cringe at her name, the memory, the thought of what she thinks of me.
"I.. uhh.. aha," I stutter and giggle, I actually have no idea what to do. I'm stuck as if
my feet were glued to the tile floors of the main hallway, and my eyes drift up to the ceiling, staring at the lights."Jenna you're fucking toasted.." Hayley mumbles with a sigh, and grabs me by the shoulders to get me to look at her.
"Hey.. everyone's been really worried about you. No one knew where you went when you ran away after Tay walked in."
My vision goes red and I clench my jaw. "Nobody fucking knew? Wow what a surprise?! No one thought 'hmm maybe we should follow Jenna? Maybe we should see if the girl who's piss drunk running down the street crying is okay'? No? No one thought that'd be a good idea? Fucking assholes." I scream in her face, turning on my heels and stomping off in the opposite direction.
I can't even bother to look over my shoulder, I don't want to see the hurt on Hayley's face. She didn't really do anything wrong but all this pent up frustration drove me over the edge.
I go to my spot, the music wing has a closet with odds and ends for various instruments that no ones touched in years. I quickly slip in and shut the light off, dissolving into a whimpering mess. I wipe my eyes with the sleeves of my flannel, just to found out the cuts reopened and they bled through the light blue & black pattern.
"Are you fucking kidding- " I mumble to myself, and instead of cleaning myself up I just lean against the cabinet and pray for death.
I hear a knocking at the door, and there are only two people who know about my spot,
one of which being Tay. I start to shake, and stutter out a weak "come in."a/n not even sorry about the cliff hanger, but who do you think will be at the door?????? will jenna make it another day without talking to Tay?????? and i was listening to beartooth while writing this so check em out if you haven't already. happy readin'
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What Are You So Scared Of?
FanfictionJenna loves Tay, Tay loves boys. Tay is Jenna's best friend, but how long can Jenna keep her biggest secret of all from her? *contains triggering topics and recreational drug use