The first step is always the hardest. Erenien spent a whole minute staring at the stone block, the first step in the ascend, wondering whether she made the right choice by coming. A lone bird's chirp must have informed him of her arrival already. It had been awfully long since last they spoke. With a sigh she stepped onto the stone, slick with dark green moss and mustering her courage she climbed the second step made of wood jutting out of the tree- one of the infinite number of steps which formed a spiral around the trunk. She mentally winced at the sheer number of them and climbed the third, then the fourth.
After a good ten minutes and 150 steps later, she stood heavily breathing on his porch. The door opened as if by its own accord and the tired face of Feren looked at her, much to her surprise. She offered a hesitant smile which he tried to return and stood aside to let her enter. Erenien let out one long breath and stepped into the dimly lit room. The wood panels of the walls were of a dark hue so that even during midday, a calming dimness enveloped the house. Her eyes roamed her surroundings, which looked alien despite the fact that it had been only a week or so since she last went there. Just as she lowered herself down to the chair offered by Feren, Laerdil appeared under the archway leading to the dining room. He merely looked at her, nodded once and went to the kitchen, followed by the sound of water and the clank of utensils moments later.
She felt an achingly familiar urge to get up and go to him and just look at him work like she used to even if she was of no apparent help. But now... now she was not sure whether she had the same freedom. The place where she could roam freely, the house which had been her second home suddenly didn't feel as warm and comforting as it used to. The blackness of the room suffocated her. All this while Feren stared blankly at the potted plant to her right whose leaves looked nearly black except for the areas facing the faint light from the window. Laerdil looked at her once, after placing the cups on the table- a silent invitation. She moved as soundless as possible, afraid to break the silence that blanketed the house. Laerdil filled both of their cups. A glance at Feren made clear that he had no intention of joining them at the table. His cup remained empty beside her brimming one.
In her mind, Erenien went through the words which she had been carefully rehearsing during the past hour. She only had to say them out loud in what felt like a diplomatic council meeting. She took a small sip of the amber liquid, tasting the distinct flavours of tea leaves and cardamom. Just as her lips parted to say the first syllable of the carefully crafted speech, Feren sniffed behind her. There was a steady stream flowing through his cheek. Laerdil quickly rose but the scrape of the chair on the floor snapped him out of his trance. Feren stormed out of the house without as much looking at them. Erenien turned back to the sound of Laerdil's sigh and found his cerulean eyes already fixed on her.
"When did he come?" Her lips moved by their own accord, entirely forgetting their script.
"He will be staying with me for a while."
"Oh..."
Silence in all its brutality crashed over them.
Another sip of tea..."How is he?" She asked meekly, knowing full well that he is not alright.
"You have seen him."
Silence again. Yet his eyes remained fixed on her, as if through them he could read her mind. Feeling vulnerable, Erenien averted his gaze and instead stared at her fingers curled around her cup.
"How are you?" She looked back into his eyes, praying for any sort of emotion from him, anything but this indifference.
He only shrugged, shattering the last bits of hope she had salvaged. After what you have done, there is no doubt that you deserve this. You abandoned him, you abandoned your friend in his grief...
The cold voice was there again, slithering through the walls of her mind. Her carefully constructed mask must have slipped off, for his eyes softened a bit. Erenien broke eye contact and stared back at her palms, desperate to hide the fact that she may burst into tears any moment.
"How was the past week for you?" Her head jerked up at his voice, unbelief unmistakably etched on her features. He quirked an eyebrow at her expression. For a whole minute Erenien fumbled for words that didn't deem her too desperate. But leave it be! It was Laerdil... her Laero.
"Worse," she mumbled at last and watched the last bit of coldness melt into nothing. There was pity in his eyes. Anwel's screams suddenly echoed in her mind, drowning out his concerned voice, numbing her senses. It was gone within a moment, easing her chest enough to let out a heavy breath, filling up her eyes till they overflowed.
"I am sorry," she sniffed and quickly wiped off her tears on her sleeve.
"Don't be, please." He awkwardly shifted in his seat.
Leardil was done with the act. He got up from his chair and inched closer to her. His arms curled around her shoulder as a fierce kind of protectiveness overcame his ego. She in turn clung to him as if he was the only thing that rooted her in place.
"Feren... I am sorry that I couldn't be with him," she said into his chest.
"I was there with him. For both of our sakes, I was there with him."
Erenien sniffed, leaning back to look him in the eye. "Will he be fine?"
"Not immediately, but he will be, one day. I am sure of it."
They opened the embrace upon hearing a light shuffle in the other room. Feren stood there, composed, looking awkwardly back and forth between them. Erenien slowly walked to him and with much care, gathered him into an embrace. "You have us, mellon, from this day onward till forever."
As an answer hesitant hands embraced her and the subdued voice from his throat confirmed his acceptance. Laerdil's arm came up from behind her, encasing both his friend and his lover within. "Erenien sandwich seems like a good idea for tea, don't you think?" He smirked.
A muffled protest came as reply. But there was a small smile playing on their lips, hoping for a return of the good old days.
YOU ARE READING
The Eternal Starlight
Fanfiction"I cannot raise a child!" Thranduil said aghast. "What she needs is a mother and a father- a proper family," he sighed. "Maybe she has found them in you..." It was said that after the death of his Queen, the Elven king became bitter and cold. Everyo...
