tristful

Interlude

Shan sat in her bed, her left hand placed on her chest while the other was holding her phone which had an annoyingly short cord.

"Is this it?"

Shan spoke to herself. She felt like she was the only person she really talk to, plus, her head was full with too many thoughts to keep it in her head.

"Is nothing else going to happen?"

She mumbled a few more words to herself over and over again to fill the painful silence. Her life was very boring but at this point it was a good boring. She didn't know why she let the things that had recently happened to affect her the way they did. After all, soon enough she would be the last one standing out of all of them. Why even try to make friends? What was the point? Why doesn't she just be lonely again like she was for all those years?
Why
Does
It
Matter?
But there was a certain part of her school life that she couldn't get rid of. She was prepared to push everyone away like she had done her whole life, but there was a certain aspect of her life that she couldn't let go. Maybe it was the people? Yeah. Probably. She had grown attached to them, even the people she barely spoke to.
Shans thoughts began to spiral out of control until they were interrupted by the annoyingly loud ringing of her phone. She lifted it to her ear and answered;
"Hello?"
"SHAN!!!!!"
"Ohh, hey Raven. What's up?"
"I was wondering if you wanted to go out soon? I didn't see you much at the prom."
"Yeahhh, I kind of ditched. Sorry about that."
"No, I saw you! You left with that um...Max guy! His date left him before you both left and then he literally ran after you. Was there some sort of drama?...are you guys dating?!"
Shans face dropped as she sat herself up, tugging on her collar "What?! Fuck no, I'm pretty sure he hates me or something..—"
"If he hates you, why did you leave together? Huuuh?"
"I don't know..I think he felt bad for me or something." Shan cleared her throat, scratching the back of her head "But, I never heard Rachel talking to him. That's weird."
"Rachel?"
"Yeah, Rachel. That's who his date was, stupid."
"No it wasn't? He went with Casey May. I have no idea who Rachel went with."
"Oh, alright then." Shan shrugged it off and assumed she had gotten the two mixed up since the hall was dark when they left.
"So, Shan," Raven paused for a moment as she got herself comfortable "what did you guys do once you left? You can tell me if you kissed, I won't judge.."
"No! We didn't. We're acquaintances at best, also, I'm pretty sure he has a girlfriend. AND I already like someone..in that way."
"Who?"
"Erm— that guy! His name isss..." Shan looked around her room for a moment at an attempt to create a name for this secret lover of hers "..Teddy! His name is Teddy."
"And what's his last name, Shan? Bear?"
"Maybe."
"You don't have to lie about liking someone..or other people. You don't have to like someone to be normal, if that's what you're thinking."
"It's just sad, I mean, you have a boyfriend and everyone else in the group has someone but me. I just feel a little lonely, that's all."
"Don't worry, you'll meet your person."
"I already thought I met my person, turns out I was wrong. That's the second time it's happened to me as well. I think I need to give up on this stupid cheesy stuff.."
"Well, you can if you want. I'll be here for you. You don't need a stupid boy as long as you have me, right?"
Shan chuckled "Yeah, you're right."
"I'm gonna head off to bed now. See you tomorrow?"
"See you tomorrow."
"Niiight!!—" Raven hung up

Shan was once again left with her thoughts. This was a prime example as to why she wasn't ready to let anyone go. People cared about her, for some reason. Or at least they act like they care. The feeling of regret hit Shan like a ton of bricks as she called herself everything for even thinking of leaving them. But she knew everything in her current life was a phase and that she would, once again, be left alone. So why not enjoy it while it lasts? It's not like she'll still know any of these people when she's an adult.