tristful

Basorexia

It was a few months later,
Shan was once again sat at her lunch table with her friends. For once, they were all talking but Shan was zoning out while staring at something and lifting chips to her mouth before dropping them. Raven and a few others tried to get Shan to engage in the conversation but they gave up when they noticed how unresponsive she actually was. Raven rolled her eyes and leaned in to yell at Shan.
"Shaaaan!!!....Shan!!!!!.....SHAN!!!" Raven clapped her hands in front of her face, causing Shan to jump and almost knock all the food around her onto the ground.
"What?! Yeah?! I'm listening..what's up?"
Raven rolled her eyes "What are you even staring at?" She looked around the hall, specifically around the direction that Shan was staring. "Are you staring at the door right now? Are we boring you THAT much? Lunch literally just started."
Shan shook her head, leaning it on her hand. "No no, you're not! I'm just..thinking."
"About..?"
"Nothing."
Their table was silent until a few others started up another conversation amongst themselves. Raven stared at Shan with a puzzled expression. "Do you need some fresh air or something?"
"Um..probably. Can we go out into the hall for a bit?"
Raven nodded and grabbed Shans hand, pulling her outside to basically scold her. Lovingly.
"What is wrong with you today?! You've been, like, so unfocused...wanna tell me what happened? Wanna tell me who happened?! Was it a boy?"
"No, it wasn't a BOY. You gotta stop assuming I'm getting with people left and right, I mean, LOOK AT ME!" Shan pointed at her shirt and long skier with a certain expression.
Raven rolled her eyes "Well, I wouldn't be surprised if you did! You're so cool but you need to start fixing your hair—" she put her hands to to tuck Shans hair behind her ears but Shan practically slapped her hand away. Raven folded her arms. "Anyway, all I'm saying is that you need to be more..confident. If there's hope for me, there's definitely hope for you!"
Shan didn't know if she should take that as a compliment or an insult so she just brushed it off instead. She inhaled before signalling to Raven to look behind. "Speaking of..."
As soon as shan spoke, Ravens boyfriend came up behind the two. He rested his hand on Ravens shoulder and whispered something into her ear, she smiled and nodded in response to him.
"Shan--"
Shan shook her head "You guys can go, i think i might just walk around for a bit anyways."
Raven smiled and ran away, dragging her boyfriend along with her. Shan just rolled her eyes with a smile before going to walk around for a bit.

She walked around for a bit without any idea of where she wanted to go or who she wanted to talk to. One thing that annoyed her was the side eyes and death stares she had still been receiving for the Casey situation but she tried to not let it bother her too much. She had a nosey into a few classrooms which had opened doors and it was mostly people eating or fucking about. Or both. The next classroom she was about to stick her head into was a prime example. There were two doors of this class and people began leaving the class from the door on the opposite side from her. She heard a voice was too familiar to her so she decided to stand and wait to see who this voice belonged to (as if she didnt already know). She felt her heart skip a beat as she watched someone 'dab up' a shorter, straight haired male and she quickly stepped into the classrooom before the one doing it left. She cleared her throat before he left
"Yoo, Maxx!"
He took a step back and turned his head to her as she gave him finger guns with a smile, leaving her mouth wide open afterwards due to how mortified she was to have done that. He gave her a weird look
"Yo, wassup?"
Shan put one arm, trying to lean on a wall but almost falling. She scrambled to make it look like she did it on purpose before nodding at him "Um, nothing really. I was just.. walking and stuff and i was about to come in here but i saw your friends leaving and-- yeah." Shan sat at a desk which had two seats placed right next to each other behind it, she placed her hand on the one beside her "If you dont have to do anything with your friends would you, like, wanna sit with me for a bit?"
Max looked out of the classroom and to his mates who were stood outside of it "Uhh.." Shan saw the face and assumed he was going to know but to her surprise and delight he nodded "Yeah, sure." He walked over and Shan moved her hand away so he could sit down.
"Soo, who was all that then?"
"Oh, right, just my mates."
"Ohh..um..see that one you were holding hands with? Yous aren't like..dating? Are you?"
Shan watched as his face dropped slightly and he shook his head. "What?! No? What? Who and what are you even talking about?"
"Like, you were holding hands with this one guy when I came into the classroom—"
"No. I wasn't holding his hand, trust me. I'm not queer."
Shan couldn't help but hold back a laugh when it came to his response, she really thought she was funny. But she also couldn't help but do a mental fist bump at the same time. "Yeah, that explains a lot. I was a bit surprised, y'know. You seem like a bit of a lady killer but to be fair most gay guys are usually very pretty." She quickly turned around to him, shaking her head "But, like, I'm not saying youre not pretty though? I hope you get what I mean." 
Max nodded to her.

They spoke for another bit before Shan remembered one of the things she had planned to ask him in the first place. She wrapped a piece of her hair around her finger and placed her spare hand on her lap. She puffed her cheeks up and blew air out of her mouth while looking around to the classroom "Im sorry if this is, like, a bit forward but have you still been talking to that girl?"
Max scratched the back of his head and tapped his foot a bit "Um, kind of. Im trying not to talk to her as much."
Shan nodded, she was surprised at how honest he was, she didnt expect more than a shurg or a shake of the head. "Im glad youre trying. The sooner shes out of your life the better. Im still up to help you out, yaknow?"
Max noded,leaning back in his chair. Shan did the same and rubbed her cheek. "I dont know if you can tell but i dont really know what to say," Shan pursed her lips "I just wanted to um.. talk to you for a bit.. i dont know if thats weird or not?"
Max shrugged, looking to her and placing his arm onto the back of the chair.
Shan leaned put her head back and stared at the ceiling, she turned to the side a little. "You do know you deserve better, right?" She sat herself up properly again "I'm being like deadly serious."
"Yeah. Thanks." Max sounded a bit awkward.
Shan was about to speak again until she spotted the clock behind him. "Shit! I think we need to go." Shan stood up and fixed her skirt before walking to the door, Max following after her. She suddenly stopped and turned around, staring him dead in the eyes which was very difficult for her. They were almost face to face anyway.
"I hope you know I was being serious, you really do— y'know." She nodded to him and he nodded back.
It was a bit awkward and very silent, neither of them moved. They just kind of stood there staring at each other.
"Right. Can I be honest?"
"Yeah, go ahead."
"So, like— this is really hard to explain but uhh—" she stammered over her words for a bit before rolling her eyes "For fuck sake! I just— UGH."
She placed her hands onto her shoulders, using them to boost herself up. She waited a second before kissing him as quickly as she possibly could and then letting go of him.
Shan was about to explain why she did it when the school bell rang right on cue and Raven busted through the doors
"Shan!! Come on!"
Shan nodded and was about to be dragged away by her friend when she smiled at Max "Talk to you later, yeah?"
Raven grabbed her other arm and trailed her down the hall which left max in the classroom.