Lovesick

Drowning in your own tears

Updated:)

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(Sutton Pov)

*I just can't sleep eat, just can't do much of anything at all. 'Cause I'm sick and in love with you dear.*

*You call me up again just break me like a promise. So casually cruel in the name of being honest.*

*And now I'm all alone again nowhere to turn no one to go to.  without a home without a friend without a face to say hello to. And now the night is near Now I can make-believe he's here.

Sometimes I walk alone at night when everybody else is sleeping I think of him and I'm happy with

the company I'm keeping.The city goes to bed and I can live inside my head.

On my own pretending he's beside me all alone I walk with him till morning without him I feel his arms around me and when I lose my way I close my eyes and he has found me

In the rain the pavement shines like silver all the lights are misty in the river in the darkness the trees are full of starlight and all I see is him and me forever and forever

 And I know it's only in my mind, that I'm talking to myself and not to him.And although I know that he is blind, still I say, there's a way for us.

I love him

But when the night is over he is gone- the river's just a river. Without him the world around me changes

the trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers

I love him

But every day I'm learning all my life I've only been pretending. Without me his world would go on turning

a world that's full of happiness that I have never known

I love him

I love him

I love him

but only on my own*

I listened to the music over and over again. It was Saturday and I was at Lily's house. I tried not to cry, but everything reminded me of him. I coulnd't really cry anymore I was all cried out. I just sound there wheezing and probably looking like a corpse.

Why had I let him in? Again. I didn't know the answers. I was just stupid and he's a jerk who loves playing with my heart.

Lily walked in her room "Hi honey, how are you?"

"Fine." I replied.

"Wanna watch a movie?" she asked.

"Not really I can't think of one movie were there isn't at least one happy couple."

"Okay No movie how about we go out eat lunch or go bowling?"

"If we go eat married and happy couples would be there and bowling's like make out central," I said just staring at her oddly painted wall. Different colored squares.

"Sweetheart if we step out of this house we're bound to run into happy couples"

"Exactly thats's why we should just sit here and eat ice cream and play with your cat"

"Okay who sounds like the crazy cat lady now?" Touche Lily.

"Whatever, I need to go home anyway." I got up grabbed my bag and keys and headed to my car.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Yah I'll go run clear my head. Relax I'll be fine."

"Okay see ya."

"See yah." I said then I was off.

The drive wasn't long 20 minutes. I got out my phone. Last night it had died during the movie. So I plugged it in.

7 missed calls, 4 voice mails 23 text messages

Aiden

~Hey~   ~Sutton~  ~Are you mad at me~ ~Sutton is this about Mary~ ~Answer me please~ etc.

Aiden sure was clueless. Everything was about him. I didn't what to do. Should I text him back? Should I let him suffer? I don't know.

Then I heard my phone go off. I looked but it wasn't Aiden it was Derek..

"Sutton," Derek screamed into the phone.

"What Derek you don't have to scream!"

"I was just worried Aiden was freaking out thinking something had happen to you." Why was Aiden so concerned about me he had Mary now.

"Yah well I'm fine. My phone just died."

"Cut the crap Sutt. I've talked to Lily and Aiden. I'm sorry he's an idiot and Mary looks like a gap toothed raccoon." Derek said and I laughed probably the first time since last night. Derek had always been Team Sutton.

"Thanks Derek and be nice," I scolded.

" When have I ever been nice? Well here comes Aiden I'll tell him you're alive. Bye Sutton."

"Bye Derek." I hung up the phone and laid down on my bed.

Aiden was worried about me. Why should I care, but I did.

Why am I so obsessed with a guy who doesn't even love me and has broken my heart countless times.

My phone was ringing again this time it was Aiden. I reluctantly answered it.

"Hello."

" Oh my god Sutton why didn't you answer me I was so worried."

" My phone died," I said trying not tot burst into tears at the sound of his voice.

" Oh well you seemed pretty upset last night so I just wanted to check up on you."

"I'm fine." God I sucked at lying my voice was all off.

"You don't sound fine."

"I said I'm fine A just leave it alone." I couldn't take it anymore I hung up the phone as fresh tears sprung into my eyes. I sat there crying all over again.

I couldn't do this anymore.....

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I know my chapters are so short. I just can't write very good these days anyway hope you enjoy my sucky writing. The songs at the top are

Lovesick Fool- The Cab

All to Well- Taylor Swift

On my Own- Les Miserables

                                                                                                -Caitlyn