you're holding me and holding back. | 暗黙の
a scaramouche x reader au where you experience your first heartbreak. as you try to move on just like any other person would do, fate, or the devil in this case, has other plans. what's in it for the both o...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
〜
still keeping him trapped between her arms, y/n exhaled softly, "why?" she starts. "why did you hide everything from me?"
a gush of guilt instantly starts filling up inside scaramouche the moment she utters, with a hint of hurt already visible in eyes. he was anticipating this conversation to take place in the future, and he hoped when the time came he would be prepared to face it. but he was not expecting it to be today.
"y/n— i..." he was at loss for words. his mind tried forming the right words to vocalise but all he could hear was a bunch of gibberish words swimming through his brain.
"did you never trust me enough? look, i know it's hard... but i tried enough, and you know it. i tried my best to make you open up to me, i tried my best to make you feel comfortable around me, i tried my best to help you with whatever you were going through, and you..."
she paused, taking a deep breath, "you thought cutting everything off was the perfect solution? you neither gave me a chance to speak nor did you give your own fucking girlfriend a proper reason. i don't know... have you ever stopped to think how i must've felt?"
her voice got quieter towards the end and the pain in her voice was discernible to him. he could feel his heart slowly shatter, seeing the once carefree person with a completely different facade, a negative one even, was not a sight he enjoyed.
his mind being a mess, he hardly managed to stir up a few words together. "y/n please don't say that... i'm sorry, i just did not want you to get involved with my problems—"
"why not? even after i reassured that i would be there for you? you never believed me? i think i'm just stupid enough for thinking i could make you trust me."
"no! i just did not want my mother to get involved with you—"
y/n dryly chuckled, "i think you are missing the point here. my point is that, you hurt me. i know i often struggle with being sure of my words, but i know i did not deserve to get hurt. a part of me feels used too... you fucking used me. whether you wanted it or not, i was always there to listen to you, and you, asshole... you left me when you're the only person i fucking needed the most!"
"i did not use you! i never will!" scaramouche immediately retracted, his voice cracking in the process. the tension in the room was unbearable, guilt rushing through his entire body, physically making him weak. "you're right, i'm an asshole, i honestly, don't deserve you at all... you can hate me all you want—"
"that's the problem, i can't! istill love you, idiot!"
scaramouche's shaky breath hitched, as he halted promptly after hearing her words... love me? she still loves me?
