『(𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲) 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬』𝘯𝘢𝘨𝘪 𝘹 𝘳𝘦𝘰

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﹝ ᴇᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇ ᴛʜɪʀᴛʏ-ɴɪɴᴇ ﹞
𝐰𝐡𝐲?

"LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?" She asked, a grin lightening up her face. "Those are Ryusei Shidou and Mei-Ling Wu, current national ice dancing champions. You should remember their names," she winked, pride bleeding into her voice.

Through an intrusive thought that Reo didn't appreciate, he recalled the way Mrs. Zantetsu had proudly called him her 'little champion' at the last competition they had together. Would his life be any different had he stayed with VT instead of trying to compete against the bigger fish at Blue Lock? How could he have ever been so naive?

"I will. They look cool," Reo praised. He saw the couple of teens slide in sync across the ice at the tempo of a song only the two of them could hear, and recalled how he had always envied that intimacy and silent communication.

There was only one person he's ever wanted to trust so intensely, but Seishiro didn't understand it. He's never understood how important he was to Reo, nor how much power he had over him.

"Still not your type of thing, is it?" Anri asked by his side.

Reo shook his head, remaining silent.

Thankfully, Anri didn't let it affect their chatting. "Have you brought your skates today, or did you come to watch, Reo?"

There it was again, the tone of someone who knew something Reo wasn't aware of yet. "I didn't bring them with me," he replied.

"I can lend you some if you want."

Reo's cheeks heated. She didn't need to lend him anything, since he had, in fact, brought his skates and equipment with him from Japan. The idea of leaving it at home so he wouldn't ever feel inclined to skate again after moving felt, similarly, too extreme.

His heart and mind were torn about what was that he needed, and what was that he wanted. Reo didn't want to revisit that internal debate, really.

He cleared his throat, "I did bring my equipment to college, but I wanted to watch today. Not that I'll ever skate competitively again or anything," he added last minute, as a personal reminder.

"No, I didn't say that."

She stared, and Reo didn't notice because he, too, was staring. The envy that had become a constant in his heart did rise inside his chest, but lighter. Reo could only bite his lip at that. It seemed like no matter how much he could resent figure skating, he would never be able to see the sport without imagining himself practicing it. Unlike other times before, Reo wasn't studying Shidou and Mei-Ling for the elasticity or coordination they had, but for the passion in their every move.

He longed for that. Not for Nagi's, Isagi's, or Rin's talent, but first and foremost, their motivation. If Reo could remember what once made skating his everything, maybe failing wouldn't hurt as much as it did lately.

"You should make up your mind soon, you know?" Anri said, having caught a spark in Reo's eye.

"What?"

"About skating, that is. You must know a skater shouldn't take too much time off the ice if he wants to keep in shape for competitions, don't you?"

He opened his mouth to argue and found himself being shut down kindly by the coach again. "Oh, I heard you just fine the first time, Reo; you've come to study and all of that. I'm not saying I don't believe you, but maybe you haven't made up your mind the way you say you did. You're here, after all, and you look at these kids like you want to be them."

"National champions?" Reo inquired.

She shook her head, entertained. "Skaters who have fun," she corrected.

The ease with which she had read his mind troubled Reo deeply, and he stepped back before he could muster an explanation. I won't be a failed star overseas, I won't. "I should go now," he said.

"Chris said-"

"I don't care," Reo shut her up before she could make him question everything again. He realized how rude he was, and almost immediately apologized for the interruption. "Sorry"

Like a predator, Anri had smelled his fear. She didn't seem offended and continued as if nothing had happened. "Chris said you weren't struggling only with your technique, but your mental health as well."

"I'm not going to ask you about it but I want you to know it doesn't have to end here. Skating competitively isn't easy, Reo, but just because it's demanding, it doesn't mean it should be exhausting you. And just because others can handle the stress, it doesn't mean you have to put up with it, sometimes the system fails you, too," she explained. Reo wanted to ask how much Chris had told her, but Anri kept talking, her voice a sweet caress that hit him harder each time regardless of the care laced with it.

"I know Ego, and I think he's wonderful in what he does. But not everyone is the same, and I know I have endured many coaches worse than him who also got amazing results at the cost of their skater's health," she sighed. "Here, at my team, most if not all my kids receive extra help from counselors and therapists, so I can monitor how that aspect of their lives is going."

Reo couldn't lie, he felt less intimidated and kicked down by the idea of an expert now that he knew others as admirable and successful had reached out for help, too.

But your pride! What about your pride?!

No, where did that ever get me? He wasn't using it right.

"I don't-" he stuttered over his words, and gave up on his explanations to hear her fully.

"I know it's a lot," her eyes softened. "But I want you to think about it, if skating didn't come with the stress and the expectations, would you want to be on the ice again?"

Would he? But weren't stress and expectations as well as pressure and fatigue, all intrinsic to skating competitively?

"I can't say this sport is for everyone, or that there would be something shameful in retiring young. But if you could follow your heart, completely senseless, what would you do?"

If he didn't have to worry about measuring up, or winning a certain amount of points each time he did a routine. If he didn't have to worry about falling into his "slump" again, would he put his skates back on and jump without minding a fall?

If he could skate as freely as he did before debuting in seniors before the Olympics blinded him, and his coach and teammates made him feel worthless of their time. If he could be with VT again, where a silver medal was enough reward. Or if he could be a child like he was when befriending Chigiri - if it had been enough of a victory after competing. If he could rewind time, what would he do?

Why did he bring his ice skates to Canada? Why did he choose Toronto, of all the options? Why did he set foot in the rink, after almost a month of resisting?

Because... because...

"Personally, I would have gone back on the ice sooner," Anri smirked.

Because this was where he belonged.