Shoot your shot

Emma

My head is a bit groggy as I sit up to find my ringing phone. I finally see it flashing from the floor and I lean over to grab it. Big mistake for my head.

I see Lauren's number flashing up and I answer. " why are you calling me this early on a Sunday" I groan down the phone.
" heavy night babe?" She teases down the line and I groan at the flashbacks of me really going to town on the dance floor. The curse of free alcohol.

" You could say that..." I start to taste champagne repeating and I wonder if I am on the brink of throwing up.
" I actually wanted to check you're ok? I saw a post on social media this morning about James and wondered if you had seen it?"
My heart races and I wonder what on earth she is going on about.
" what's it about?" I ask but also dread knowing the answer .

" Shit Emma,  I hate having to be the one to tell you this.  Basically he is very clearly drunk and he has his arm around a blonde girl. I hate to say it but they look very cosy. Chances are it's nothing but I thought you should see it. I've sent it to you. Call me back once you've had a look. Don't jump to conclusions but I just wanted you to know".
I don't even say bye as I hang up and go straight to instagram.

Lauren has sent me the post directly and I click on it and once I've seen the picture I run to the toilet to throw up.

My body heaves and I'm certain it's not the alcohol making me feel this way. It was the same blonde from the shop. I would recognise her anywhere. She is stunning. James looks so handsome and admittedly drunk. His arm hangs around her neck and she is giggling into him. They look so good together.
The caption below the photo got to me just as much as the image of them looking very comfortable in each others company.
" New midfielder scores off the pitch".

The picture is ingrained into my mind and even when I close my eyes it's there. Tears spill down my face and I can't bring myself to move from the bathroom floor.

My mum knocks and pokes her head around the door.
" oh darling .... I didn't even realise you were so drunk. I'll get you some water and tablets". I don't even tell my mum I'm not crying because a hangover I just let her fuss. It saves me the embarrassing conversation.

Moments later she returns and forces me to down some tablets and a pint of water.
" I'm taking you for breakfast" she declares and leaves the room.

I drag myself to my bed and lay there. Numb. I grab my phone to look at the picture again. How could he do this to me? So soon into our relationship.

I scold myself for being so stupid. What was I expecting really. Deep down inside I knew that this was highly probable. I knew the type of person James was before I was with him. He slept around. He even told me he fancied Callie then proceeded to peruse me and in the middle slept with another girl. It's not out of character for him. Silly me.

My phone begins flashing and James' name comes up on the screen. I can't bring myself to talk to him so I cancel it. He rings back a 2nd and 3rd time. After declining them he takes the hint. Messages are flying in quickly but I can't bring myself to read them. I catch some words like " please, sorry, talk to me, not what you think" and I just know that this is not a conversation I am ready for.

I stick on some leggings and a hoody and make my way downstairs.

***

At the cafe my mum looks at me with sad eyes " So first and last hangover I am guessing?" She is teasing but I know my mum isn't stupid and she knows that this isn't just alcohol.

A tear falls and my mum scoots around to my side of the booth and embraces me. Her familiar scent of washing powder and Chanel actually make me feel better and then I let the tears fall more freely. She comforts me and lets me get it out of my system before asking questions.

" do you want to talk about it?" She asks softly and I shake my head. I then decide I do want to talk about it so I get the picture and caption up on my phone and show it to her. My mum makes a shocked gasp and hands the phone back quickly. She is quiet for a beat and I wonder if she was going to say " this was inevitable " but she doesn't and instead she says " I am so surprised he has done this to you. I thought he was head over heels. The way he looked at you Emma was just ...I am so sorry darling". My mum suggests we stock up on junk food and go home for some comedies. I nod and she allows me to sit in the car while she pops into the shop.

I look at my phone again and see I have 25 missed calls from James. I have 60 unopened messages and I don't have it in me to look at them.

My mum jumps back in the car loaded with sweets and treats and I smile at her, thankful for her .

***

Hours later I've probably watched too many films and eaten far too much. I feel exhausted and I'm planning on climbing into bed. My mum had to take Harry out so I am home alone. There's a knock at the door and I am so mad that I have to get up and answer it.

I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the hallway mirror and I look shocking. My face is pale, my eyes dull and my hear a greasy mop atop my head.

I open it and my heart stops.

Lauren.

I pull her into the biggest hug and she hugs me back just as hard. " You needed me so here I am. If you want to watch films and not talk about it- I am down. If you want to vent and send him a shitty message- I am also down".

We make our way to my bedroom with a tub of ice cream and two spoons. I'm silent for a bit and then decide I need to talk about it.

" how could he do this so soon? He's only been there for 6 weeks. He told me he loved me Lauren. I honestly thought he meant it".

Lauren passes me the ice cream and then speaks " I think it's better it's happened now. Imagine wasting more time and energy to find out what a dick he is in a years time. This gives you time to focus on you now. He has shit taste. What a trashy blonde she was too!" Lauren is seething and I appreciate her attempts to make this situation better.

" I saw her... before.. in the shops and she made a beeline for him. She's attractive and definitely more his type based on his past girlfriends. It's almost like I was a tester. He dipped his toe in the pot, thought he liked it but realised there's better options so just discarded me"

" have you spoken to him yet?" Lauren asks.
" no" I admit. It's childish and I should deal with it really.

I pull my phone towards me and open the messages
" I'm sorry, nothing happened. I don't even remember her being near me. I was with my family mostly . You have to believe me".
The messages were all similar and all pleading his innocence. Maybe I should allow him to explain although will that change anything for me?

" I have to call him". I say finally.
" what are you going to say? Lauren asks
" It's over Lauren. I can't let myself stay in a relationship where I know I am eventually going to get hurt. Maybe it didn't happen last night but it will. He's out of my league. He has beautiful females throwing themselves at him and I am not the kind of girl who can ignore that. I am insecure and I don't need to doubt myself constantly. I need to be on my own or with somebody that doesn't have this affect on me".

Lauren nods and squeezes my hand.
" you do what is right for you. If you think you can move past it then try. If you know that staying together will just make you more anxious then you're doing the right thing".

I pick up my phone and make the call. James answers instantly.