Shoot your shot

Emma

I feel like I want to pinch myself. Not only am I in one of the most trendy restaurants in London but I am sitting opposite my favourite author and I get to ask him a million and one questions about everything and anything.

This didn't happen by chance and I must say that it's been a tough year. As much as I've loved university I've struggled to keep on top of everything. Our lecturer gave us all a chance to win a dinner with Matthew Bohen. An author who writes beautiful Fictional novels. I've loved his work for years so when the chance to dine with him came up I gave it everything I had.

And won I did.

I made sure I looked the part tonight. Like I belonged here at this fine restaurant with somebody famous. I borrowed my friends form fitting Karen Millen dress and her red sole shoes. I spent hours perfecting my hair and makeup and I genuinely feel so good. Everything leading up to this point feels worth all the effort and stress.

Matthew has been great company. Considering he is in his 50's we've found so much to talk about. He's told me all about his wife and kids, where they like to travel. All his hardships . I'm genuinely having such a great time.

I'm sipping on my wine when a familiar scent hits my nostrils. I glance up as a man dressed well walks past our table. I don't take much notice of him but can't help the memory that accompanies that particular aftershave. I shake my head and try and focus again on what Matthew is saying.

I haven't thought about James in about 3 months and I honestly never thought the day would come. I don't want to get lost to memories now when I should be enjoying this moment.

Matthews phone starts ringing and he apologises as he pulls it out of his bag. " It's my wife. I'm really sorry I should get this. I'll be right back". I smile as he takes his phone call and goes to a more private area to finish their conversation. I take another sip of my expensive wine and gaze around the restaurant. The decor is luxurious and tasteful and I admire all the extra special finishes.

Suddenly the hairs on my arms stand on end . My eyes suddenly land on him. Standing there like he is fresh off a modelling shoot.

James is looking directly at me and it is like the world stops spinning. I can't put a coherent thought in my head.

He looks good. So good. He looks better than ever. Even more athletic, more facial hair, dressed so well with a nice fitting shirt and trousers. Designer shoes and watch to finish it off.

It's like all memories of him hit me at once and I gasp as my chest flutters with every emotion.

James approaches my table and my feet struggle to stand. I was always smaller than him but in my heels it isn't as bad as usual.

"Emma Baker. You look.... I mean... you look great! How's life? Your family Ok?"

His voice sends another jolt of electricity through me and I can't believe my brain is malfunctioning right now. I finally find my voice " Good. They live in Wales now. I stayed in London for University. How's your family? How's life for you?"

I don't want him to know that I know how his life is. I can't help myself but sometimes go through his Instagram and see how he is doing. I hate myself for doing it but I'm only human.

" Life is Ok. I've got a couple of weeks off now." He suddenly stops and glances over his shoulder. I follow his gaze and notice a brunette sitting alone at a table and it suddenly clicks that he is on a date.

" Oh my God- don't let me keep you from your date!" I feel like an idiot for even letting my feelings creep up to the surface.

Of course he's dating and he probably has a hotel room booked for after. I can't believe I got so giddy and almost forgot about how much he hurt me.

"It is actually a first date. Just seeing how the dating scene is. It's been a while..."

We both go silent and it suddenly becomes awkward. Just as about James goes to say something Matthew returns ..
" sorry about that. It was actually business but how rude of me. Are you ready to order?" Matthew suddenly notices James and looks between us confused.

" This is James. An old friend. He actually plays for a Brighton football team. He's on a date so we shouldn't keep him. Enjoy your evening James".

I can't believe I am managing to act so cool calm and collected when inside I am screaming.

I can see a bit of disappointment on James's face but I can't be too sure. He says goodbye and walks back to the brunette.

His eyes briefly meet mine and I quickly swivel my head back to the menu pretending to look at the options available.

The silence is finally broken when Matthew speaks " Who is he then?".
" who is who?" Although it's obvious that he is referring to James.
" How do you know the handsome young fool tablet and why does he keep looking over at you when he is on a date?".

I can't help the way my heart rate spikes at the news but I instantly scold myself.
" He is my ex boyfriend. We dated last year until he decided to sleep with somebody and then we broke up and we haven't spoken since. I apologise if he's making things awkward. I can ask for us to be moved?"
Matthew chuckles and I can see his kind eyes crinkle.
" bless you Emma. Please don't worry about me. I'm worried about you. It's clear there is unfinished business and he honestly can't stop looking at you like a little sad puppy. I am happy to move on to a pub so you can relax a bit more if that suits you? I've never been one for pretentious restaurants anyway".

I am so grateful that I could hug him- but I refrain.
I nod my head at his idea and he signals for the wait or to come over so that we can have the bill.

As we stand to leave I hear my name being called. James is rushing towards me and Matthew signals that he will be waiting just outside.
" you aren't leaving because of me are you? Because if I've ruined your date I am sorry. I will go..."
" You haven't ruined anyway. We're moving on to a somewhere else and I am also slightly offended that you think I would date a man in his late 50's ."
James smiles and god dam that is a smile I missed so much.

" Glad to hear it."

James words startle both of us but he is very quick to back peddle. " I mean... glad to hear you aren't leaving because of me. Listen Emma- I know we parted on bad terms and I know this isn't the place to say it especially as I haven't seen you in so long but I just have to say that.."

" James- who is this?" The attractive brunette is now standing next to James. Her expensive perfume almost causes me to have a coughing fit but I can't help but admire how beautiful she is. I must look ridiculous next to her.

" Hi I'm Emma. An old friend of James". The girl looks me up and down and nods.
" I've ordered for us. Let's go sit down and enjoy the champagne before it loses its bubbles shall we?". She gives James a stern look and I almost feel sorry for him.

James doesn't follow her and I can see her huff and walk back to the table.

" Take care James" I say and leave without giving him a chance to speak.