Shoot your shot

Emma

I kick my shoes off and groan in appreciation. I am just not built to wear heels.  I make my way to my tiny kitchen that you couldn't swing a cat in and grab a glass of water. I gulp but the whole glass down and then fling myself on the sofa.

My mind is reeling. I can't believe the universe would be so cruel to make me bump into the only man I loved and who hurt me- just when I was getting my shit together. I groan and sit up, I know sleep will not come and I can't help myself but check James instagram. I guess old habits die hard. I know he doesn't share much about his personal life but maybe I can locate his date and see if she is sharing details.

I set to work going through his followers and realise this is dumb. Not only am I never going to find her in the thousands of beautiful brunettes that follow him, what exactly will it achieve?

I throw my phone down in frustration and decide to shower away my frustration.

My small bathroom doesn't look much but the shower is amazing and it makes me so grateful to my mum for buying this flat for me.  Having space and somewhere I could call mine helped ease the heartache of James. The sale of our home allowed my mum to buy a smaller home in wales and this flat for me in Clapham. I've been focusing on turning each room into something special since I moved in and I can honestly say I am proud of what I have achieved here.

The steam hits my skin and I instantly feel the tension leaving my body. I cry for 5 minutes, only because I find it therapeutic and know those feelings are better out than in.

I turn the shower off and instantly hear a banging on the front door. I grab a towel and quickly dash to the front door. I glance at the kitchen clock and realise it's 10pm. It better not be the police again about those dodgy neighbours. I pull the door slightly, keeping the keychain on, I've learnt to be street savvy living here and a 10pm door call seems a bit suspect.

My heart beats out of my chest when I see James on the other side of the door. I shriek and slam the door shut. Shock, embarrassment and excitement courses through my body. What the hell is he doing here?

" Emma- I saw you. I just want to talk, please".

I glance down at the small pathetic towel I'm holding and wished I had just showered in the morning.

" I need to get clothes on. Give me two minutes".

James didn't respond so I ran to my room and grabbed a pair of cotton shorts and  vest. I stuck my hair in a bun and decided I didn't have time for make up.

My shaky legs walk towards the door and I pull it open. Half expecting nobody to be there and it all be a mad dream. James takes me in and I can't read his thoughts.

" I won't ask how you know where I live but I guess you should come in".

James follows me in and his eyes flit all around the small flat which I call home. I know it's probably nothing in comparison to his abode but I am proud of it.
James sits on my sofa and I can still see him taking in everything around him. I want him to say something.

" you've done a great job decorating this place. I have to say, from the outside I couldn't believe you lived here but wow. It's stunning Emma."

Usually the compliment would make me feel buzzing but it actually annoyed me for some reason. Like he thinks these compliments will undo everything.

" why are you even here James?" I snap back and I can see him shift uncomfortably on the sofa. I notice his foot tapping and I suddenly realise he is nervous.

We stare at each other for a long time in silence and all these emotions build up inside me. Frustration. Hate. Worst of all, the need to touch him.

" Emma- I just came to say sorry. After seeing you today I had to speak to you. Every day since the last time we spoke I wished I could speak to you and explain myself ."