The Asshole App (Expanded Version) ✅ Wattys2023

𝟤𝟥 𝖠 𝖬𝗂𝗅𝗅𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝖣𝗋𝗈𝗇𝖾𝗌 & 𝖲𝗆𝖺𝗋𝗍𝗉𝗁𝗈𝗇𝖾𝗌

"What's going on?" Evelyn took a step back from her former boss. "Did you shoot Mr. Lear?"

"No," said Raymond, thickly. "I didn't shoot Dennis."

"He's telling the truth. Rogue elements are after Mr. Sinclair," the NSA agent said. "They've set him up to look like he murdered his CFO because he controls access to CENTRIXS's satellite surveillance program. The NSA knows he inserted a cuckoo's egg into their surveillance systems and they're frantic to acquire it."

"A cuckoo what?" Evelyn asked. She lifted her chin and tilted her head to the side.

"A cuckoo's egg refers to a piece of coding that creates a back door when it hatches. It allows a super user to spy on an end user." Agent Mercer gestured at Raymond. "Mr. Sinclair not only spies on their satellites; he has the ability to run rampant in their system."

"Someone has to reign in these bastards," Raymond protested. "They're criminals. Look how they murdered Dennis." The battered CEO coughed and clenched his fists. "Lear and I worked together for a decade," he wheezed." He was closer to me than a brother. I wish I'd told him that when I had the chance."

Evelyn's face paled. "Not, Mr. Lear...he can't be dead." Glancing at a Raymond, she saw the pain and barely contained rage in his eyes.

"Taking down the people Jamison and Casper work for isn't your job, Mr. Sinclair." Mercer said, evenly. "It's ours."

"Well, so far their response time's impressive." Deedee observed. "Yours is crappola. Everyone on the planet's seen that video by now. When Sinclair walks down the street, they're not gonna see a famous CEO, they're gonna see a homicidal maniac."

"If you're innocent you have nothing to worry about." Evelyn said.

Raymond looked at her closely. "Lot's of innocent people go to prison."

"I've read about these deep fakes." Prince interjected. "Miss Gigi catfished one of the judges to qualify for the online Super Tramp Contest. It was a huge scandal." He held two fingers against the side of his chin and imitated comedian Jack Benny.

"The Deep State will stop at nothing, Mr. Sinclair. They've unlimited resources, millions of drones, and a worldwide surveillance network. You can't hide. They're about to unleash a maelstrom of hell on you."

Sinclair painfully sat up and held his chest. "What did you inject me with? I can barely remember anything after waking up."

"You told Evie you're in love with her," Prince said.

"Never mind that, we need to get you into protective custody, Mr. Sinclair." The undercover agent's mouth formed a grim line.

"You mean protective custody as in Jeffrey Epstein suiciding himself with a toilet paper chain? Hmph." Deedee snorted derisively as she dabbed alcohol on her grazed arm.

"She's right," Vince crossed his arms. "The government can't protect him. Too much high-tech will eventually bite you in the ass."

Sinclair sat up. "Listen Bob, I don't give a crap about these thugs. I know who sent them. They control every aspect of Intelligence. I'll take my chances on my own."

"Mr. Sinclair, it's not a matter of choice. It's national security." Agent Mercer pulled out his phone.

With dawning suspicion, Raymond asked, "If you could hear everything that was happening in the van, why didn't you intervene when those sick bastards were interrogating me?"

"I was told to stand down. Things are fluid at the moment—"

Agent Mercer was cut off mid-sentence when Deedee grabbed him by his long, flowing hair. With her other hand, she snatched his phone. "I've heard enough, Rasputin. You're not calling nobody. You're the counterpart to those black hats. Who do you really work for, scumbag?" She dragged him, kicking and screaming, out of the kitchen and towards the back room.

"Interfering with national security is treason!" The agent flopped like a rag doll in Deedee's powerful arms.

"Kiss my black ass!" There was a loud bang of pots and pans crashing to the floor as she locked him in the pantry.

Raymond painfully rolled off the table. Standing up, he held onto the counter's hard wooden edge and waited for the room to stop spinning. He surprised everyone when the Drag Queen returned. "Thanks for helping me, Lady Dee. Not many people would have risked their lives like you and Vince did today."

"No, they wouldn't," she agreed. "I'm sure a lot of people would like to see you dead as a doornail." She cast a sideways glance at Evelyn. "Understand this, Sinclair. You owe Evie an apology, and you owe me a new dress." She put her face close to his and lowered her voice. "In the meantime, I'm takin' that Tesla. You won't be needin it."

Cowed, Ray held up his hands in surrender. "That seems fair to me." He turned to his former intern. "Evelyn, will you accept my deepest apologies for being an ass to you? I'm sorry." He looked at her with fierce hope.

An effervescent smile lit up her face as something shifted in her heart. "Yes, I will, Raymond."

Maybe he's not such an asshole.

Something tight in her chest relaxed, as if she'd successfully navigated a treacherous crevasse. "What about agent Mercer? Are we going to leave him locked up in the pantry?"

"He'll survive," Vince said. There's enough food and water in there to feed twelve dwarfs and a hobbit." Alarmed that Evelyn and Raymond were bonding, he glared at Sinclair. "That hirsute hippie was telling the truth about one thing. The government's going to fry your ass." Biting into a custard dessert he said, "I don't want you and Evie standing so close that she becomes collateral damage when they take you out."