The Asshole App (Expanded Version) ✅ Wattys2023

𝟤𝟫 𝖳𝗁𝖺𝗇𝖺𝗍𝗈𝗌

Fate, It Seems, Is Not Without A Sense Of Irony. -Morpheus

"Is this place really abandoned?" Evelyn warily surveyed the mysterious facility, feeling the pockmarked concrete walls with her hands. "These look like bullet holes."

"Trust me, Evie, they'd use an EMP nowadays over hand-to-hand combat. This is a safe bolthole." Deedee, Raymond, and Evelyn cautiously followed Vince as he worked his way down the pitted, concrete hallway. It was dark, with a few weak, glowing light bulbs illuminating their path. The air was cold and still. Their steps echoed as they descended a gently sloping corridor and moved deeper into the subterranean bunker.

At the bottom of the stairs, they paused and assessed the faint, movie theatre glow being emitted from a thirty-by-sixty-foot room. A familiar thrumming sound grew louder as they approached. Nervously, they followed the ex-Navy Seal inside. The dimly lit space was occupied by approximately twenty red-hat hackers, working on their computer equipment. "They look like goth anime cyberpunks," Evelyn whispered. The utilitarian room was part dressing room, part staff room and strewn with leather jackets and combat boots. The only amenities were two cracked leather couches that were placed next to a mini fridge and lined up against the wall. Raymond scanned the underground black-op, intrigued.

A powerful-looking man, wearing a black tank top, his muscular arms crisscrossed with tattoos, sat on the nearest couch. He calmly assessed them as if he was a regal Nubian prince.

"I've been waiting for you, Mac Hale," he said, addressing Vincent. His cultured voice was at odds with his battle-scarred face. The chef crossed over to the mini fridge, pulled out a few silver cans and then sat down next to the intimidating stranger. The two men exchanged a few meaningful words and knowing glances as if they were old friends.

"You've obviously been here before, Vince." Suspicious, Raymond observed the two men. The cook gave him the finger and put his feet up on an upended wooden box can. "Why are you two kicking back as if you're preparing to watch a Sunday Super Bowl?"

The sentinel laughed. "Vince Mac Hale and I are old friends. We've seen a lot of action together. Lucky for you, Mr. Sinclair, I'll never turn down a friend in need. My name is Thanatos."

"You're not worried about security, Thanatos? This place is wide open." Raymond gestured to the unguarded door. Not one of the cyber militia, their faces lit up by the glowing screens, glanced their way or broke their concentration. For a heartbeat, the only noise was hundreds of fingers softly tapping on keys.

Thanatos nodded towards the army of red-hat hackers. "We have an undetected  surveillance grid for seventy-five miles. Nothing gets in without us  knowing about it. Plus, this facility has a lovely perk. We're five  hundred feet from the Pacific Ocean." The man smiled mysteriously. "Also, not many people willingly venture into radioactive territory."

Deedee raised her eyebrows. "You've got radiative waste onsite and an aquatic back door? Dang, I'm impressed."

Thanatos smiled. "Why not use what the old guard left behind."

Raymond rubbed his eyes and yawned. "Listen, it's two am. I need sleep."

"No sleep tonight, Soy Boy. Here, throw this down your gullet." Vince tossed him a can of Red Bullet. "It's going to be a long enough night without you complaining."

Raymond held up the beverage. "What's this, Mac Hale? You're lame alternative to a red pill?"

Vincent cracked open his can and drained half of it, smacking his lips. He took his feet off the wooden crate and sat forward. Though his look was more serious, there was amusement in his light blue eyes. "Take one for the team," Sinclair. "Don't be a pussy." Deedee grabbed a can of the caffeinated energy drink from the cook and guzzled it.

"It'll give you wings?" Raymond read the energy drink's listed ingredients.  "Caffeine and bull penises!" He held the can away from him, horrified.  "I'm not putting this shit in my body."

Evelyn opened a can. "Ugh, it tastes like burning rubber."

Thanatos gestured towards the other couch. "Everyone, please sit so we can get down to business." Two soldiers repositioned the seating so it was facing Thanatos. Caffeinated, Evelyn, Deedee and Raymond got comfortable on the couch.