Kill Joy Senior High School (WATTYS2023)

CHAPTER 56

- AV -

Looking at my hands, I started trembling. I don't know why I feel this way and how I even got into this situation. I think I'm going crazy.

Nakatitig ako sa nanginginig kong mga kamay. It is painted with blood. Lots of blood. It's still fresh, and dripping. That blood alone began sending an electrifying strength to my body. Buong katawan ko na at maski ang lamang-loob ay nanginginig.

I looked up only to find myself in front of the mirror. Maski ang mukha ko ay may bahid ng dugo. H-How did I get this? What did I do? I even looked around at napagtanto na nasa restroom ako. Based on the window, mukhang papataas na ang araw.

What the hell happened?

Mabilis kong binuksan ang faucet at agad na naghugas ng kamay. If I could only remove my skin to easily get rid of the blood on my hands, I already did. Walang sabon kaya medyo natagalan ako sa pagtanggal ng dugo. But why? Nothing's changing. Kahit anong pagkuskos ng kamay ang gawin ko, hindi natatanggal. I even washed my face but nothing's changing.

W-What's happening?

I abruptly stopped when I heard the cracking sound of a glass. Tila ba may unti-unting nagcracrack. I noticed that the mirror in front of me made the sound. It is slowly losing its stance and cracking all the way. Nagcracrack ito. And what made me more disemboweled is the blood coming out of those cracks. Tumutulo pababa ang mga dugo.

"N-No," bulong ko at napailing, "No, no, no— " I started wiping the blood using my hands. I'm at panicked, "No, please," while I was busy doing that, natigilan ako nang makita ang sarili sa salamin.

We don't have the same movement.

Gumagalaw ako pero ang repleksyon ko sa salamin, nakatayo lang at nakatingin sa akin. Slowly, she smiled at me—

Biglang akong napaupo mula sa pagkakahiga nang mapagtanto ang isang hindi magandang panaginip. I was running out of breath at malalim ang ginagawa kong paghinga sa ngayon. That was almost real. In fact, I thought it was real.

Should I be thankful dahil hindi 'yon totoo or not because it was still a bad dream?

Napahawak ako sa dibdib at pilit na pinakalma ang sarili. Usually, I do the inhale-exhale method carefully to calm myself down. Wala rin namang ibang magpapakalma sa akin kundi ako lang, given that I have no one to lean on.

It is a necessity to learn how to make yourself calm in bad times. Do not depend on other people to always be there. And this is not based on experience, it is based on reality.

Out of nowhere, naalala ko si Zashee. Often times, kumakatok ako sa kwarto niya, and by the time she sees me, alam na niya na nanaginip ako ng hindi maganda. I actually admire her dahil kahit hindi ako magsabi, she knows how and what I feel. But nowadays, I'm losing hope to meet someone like her.