OneShot Compilation

[10] To My Dearest: Dear You #1 (ENGLISH)

Looking at the clear night sky used to be an antidote for my shattered soul, but now, because of the memories that person left me, this once a peaceful scenery has become a poison which is slowly killing me deep within.

I had no choice, but to accept the reality that we can no longer be together and that's completely fine as him, breaking my heart, will never be my loss--will never be my lose.

Now that everything has come to an end between the two of us, what I am left to do is to heal myself from this excruciating pain. I will never stay in the dark for too long; I will always find my way again and again no matter how many times I loss track. In that way, I could trust again--I could love again.

For a "clown in the crowd", I am eccentrically reticent about my feelings. It will take a paper and pen for me to express them and now, here I am, putting everything into words. However, this time, this letter is no longer for that person I have decided to let go, but for that person whom I will be deciding to spend the rest of my life with.

My hands are still trembling as I held the pen in between my fingers. Tears misting, I wrote:

To my Dearest,

How are you? How's your day? Have you been eating well? Are you getting enough sleep? Are you making good friends? Are you currently in a relationship? Funny, I could only ask you through this letter that you might not be able to read anyway, but who knows? If God permits.

Needless to say, but I actually had a great day despite the world trying to crush me again. Although sometimes I thought of giving up, but here I am, still wearing the smile that I want you to see once we meet. Are you excited? Me, too!

However, I think it would be better if you stay where you are as of the moment, because recently, someone wrecked me really bad that I almost loss the all the things that have been keeping me sane.

I am certain that if you'll know I've been going through hell right now, you'd help, and I can't let you do that as I've been shattered like a glass into hundreds of pieces and if you tried helping to put them back together, you might get wounded and bleed with me.

Please let me heal alone first as it's the only way for me to redeem myself and make me whole again, so that when we meet, I could give you all of me--not the broken me, not the bits of me, because that's not what you deserve.

I want to repair the trust that has been taken away by betrayal and pain, so I could give it to you wholeheartedly with no doubts.

I want to give you the most genuine love that I could offer--the love that I could label for as Agape; the kind of love which God has to His creatures. That is the love that I want to give you, and I believe that that's the love that our future children want us to share all together inside the household of faith that we will build.

I promise, I won't be long. When I am no longer undivided, we will then meet. I will love you and will always cherish you, my dearest.

Lovingly,

Yours

As my fingers wrote the final word, a genuine smile curved on my lips. It was the realization that kept my head up all this time. Truly, the world has been unfair to me for quite some flow now, but I won't argue with that.

Why? Because it is unfair not just to me, not just to you, but to all of us, which defeats the thought of being biased--something people fail to see, because most of the times, we refuse to look. That's human "I" and "me" nature, and it's okay. After all, when everything realizes, you'll learn things along the way.

The letter I've written created numbers of images flashing in my mind; images of the future I could say, and the thought of it placed my heart at peace. I believe great pain yields greater prizes--"no pain, no gain"--yes? Yes, it is.

I've learned that along the way as well.

I actually sounded like I am only manipulating myself into thinking that someday, I'd be happy--partly, yes. However, if things will not go as planned, then I'll just create another plan.

When push comes to shove, I'd eventually remember that letters on the alphabet runs from A to Z.

A sigh of relief escaped my lips as I placed the pen on the table and folded the paper, careful enough that it would still look good as new once he and I meet.