Lonely Secrets: Yellowstone Ranch Series

24

They were all I could think about all night. I laid there in the bunk above Rip, tears streaming down my face. No cries or whimpers. Just pathetic tears.

There's no way they'll be in the same house all night and not have any intimate moments. They'll at least kiss. They have history. They could be making up right now. God, they could be making out right now.

I swallowed hard and put my hand over my mouth, trying to hush the cry that I was afraid would sneak out.

He knew it would be a snow storm tonight. He told me. Why would he even go over there? Am I dramatic to think that's messed up? Am I over thinking this? What the hell do I do when he comes back tomorrow? Maybe I should just pack my shit and leave, that way there's no awkward conversation or argument. I'll just leave and he can have her. They can find a new vet.

I don't wanna leave. Hot tears poured down even harder. I inhaled a small whimper on accident.

I didn't really care at this point. My throat hurt so bad from holding it in and I was getting a headache from it. My eyes ached and burned. I wanted to go back to the cabin and lay in our bed and cry into the cold, cold sheets. I didn't care if I froze to death in the cabin or on the drive up there. I really don't care.

I was too busy with my self pity thoughts, I didn't focus on keeping quiet. I didn't notice until under me Rip started to stir under me. Then he got up.

He rubbed his beard and sighed. "I'm really sorry you heard Ryan."

I rolled flat onto my back. "Why didn't you tell me?" I whispered, staring up at the ceiling, tears racing gravity down my temples.

He looked down,"I wanted you to hear it from Kayce."

"What do you think they're doing?" I asked. When he didn't answer, I turned my head to him. "I doubt he's sleeping on the couch and she's sleeping in the bed." My voice cracked.

Rip shook his head,"Don't put yourself there right now."

"Well I can't fucking think of anything else." My words were sharp and harsh. I was taking it out on him. "I'm sorry." I looked back up at the ceiling and started crying again, upset I just got mad at the man- who probably saved me from freezing to death- for absolutely no reason.

"Is there anything I can do?" He asked softly.

It wasn't a question I expected from him. And definitely not in a tone he used from often. The same voice he spoke to me with the night Kayce was shot.

I thought hard about the question. Can you lay here with me and pretend you're Kayce? No. That's wrong. I don't wanna give him the wrong idea. Take me back to college? No. There's a blizzard outside. Go drinking at the bars? No, blizzard. Take me to the reservation so I can yell at him and ask why I'm not good enough? Blizzard.

I closed my eyes, "I don't even wanna see him." I whispered so softly.

"For how long?" Rip asked.

"I don't know." Here came the tears again. A small cry escaped my lips.

Rip grabbed my hand and squeezed. It was a comforting touch. Rub over my knuckles with your thumb like Kayce does. His hands were calloused and rough but they still didn't feel like Kayce's. "You're welcome to stay here for as long as you need. You're family whether you're with Kayce or not. We want you here." His gruffly voice was so quiet you almost couldn't hear it. But I heard enough of it.

I wiped my eyes with my free hand,"I don't know if I can stay." I squeezed his hand.

"I want you here, Ada."

The statement made me feel a different kind of way. I swallowed hard then sat up. Rip's face was dark in the dimmed bunkhouse but I could still see the emotion in his face. His somber face was mixed with something else. Maybe anger but I couldn't tell.

I pursed my lips together. What does he mean by that? My mind raced. I don't need this right now. I have too much going on as it is. Don't add something else to the mix, please.

"Rip..." I shook my head slowly.

He let go of my hand and put his hands on my knees. "You don't have to say anything. But I want you to know, that if he hurts you like this ever again," He clenched his jaw and exhaled deeply,"I won't be able to stand back and watch it happen."

Maybe my emotions were all over the place and I couldn't process what I was doing. Maybe I wanted to feel like some kind of connection because the one I had with Kayce was changing and being ripped away. Or maybe just because I wanted to.

I reached out and held the side of his face. My small hand against his scratchy beard. "You're a good man, Rip."

"If you think so, then I've done enough." His eyes looked longingly at me.

I sighed and leaned in. I kissed him gently on the cheek. "Thank you. I'm sorry I woke you up." I laid back down onto my side.

He shook his head. "You didn't wake me, darlin'. Jimmys snoring did." I giggled a little. Then he grinned a little. Neither of us could fully smile. "You wake me up if you need. You hear me?" His sternness rang out. I nodded. "You warm enough? Need another blanket or anything?"

I was cold. "A blanket would be nice." I whispered.

"Alright." He went to get one then brought it back shortly after. He draped it over me, then patted my thigh through the five layers of blankets and multiple layers of clothes. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Rip."

Then I finally closed my eyes and no tears drained from them. I let out a deep breath, and slept.

*****

"Why can't I go with?" I ruffled my eyebrows at Lloyd.

"Because it's -12 degrees with three feet of snow and ice. Just stay inside for right now. If it's not too bad, I'll come back and get ya." He grabbed his coat and slung it on.

"No you won't." I rolled my eyes and laid back dramatically onto the bunk. I heard Ryan chuckle then walk my way.

"All we're gonna do is check fence anyway. And you hate checking fences." He shook his head and stood beside my bed.

I stared at him. "I mean, yeah." I mumbled.

He smiled. "See. Stay in here and keep warm. We need our vet alive and ready to go incase something happens."

I waved them all off and said a silent prayer. Something I hadn't done in a long while. I prayed they stayed safe and warm and came home quick. I prayed the cattle were all okay and there was no damage anywhere. I prayed Kayce would come home and tell me he never even went to Monica's, that he stayed at the office in town.

But even God laughed at that prayer.