It had been officially one week since Jack and I almost kissed, and I'd been ignoring him. We started filming and the only time we speak is when we say our lines and then I basically run away. I've been in my head about everything and I've convinced myself it'll hurt less when Jack rejects me if I just stop talking to him before I fall for him more.
Stella tells me every day to just answer him and to get over myself but I just can't. I do feel bad about ignoring him with no explanation but I just can't go through anything else. I barely survived the last time, don't think I'd survive this time.
"Thea, Jamie just told me that Jack has been very upset all week," Stella says walking into the living room "Tell Jamie to tell Jack that I'll talk to him whenever," I shrug ignoring her
"I'm getting really sick of this Thea," Stella says while sitting next to me "You can't shut him out because you're scared of your feelings, he has feelings that you aren't taking into consideration and you're hurting him the same way you were hurt," She says as I try and continue to ignore her
"Fine act like you can't hear me but, Thea, think about it, he likes you and you're shutting him out because you can't handle that you like him also, I love you and want what's best for you and he makes you happy, so please don't let go of one of the best things in your life," She says and I can feel the tears forming in my eyes
"Thea, look at me," Stella says seriously and I shake my head no as a tear falls down my face "I can see you crying," She says while grabbing my shoulders and pulling me into her "I can't do it," I say full on crying now
"Yes you can," She says and I sob on her shoulder "I'm scared," I force out through sobs
"Babe, you will never have to feel the way you did then, no one can be as bad as Chris, especially not Jack," Stella says as she runs her fingers through my hair to calm me down "Even if he doesn't treat me like that, what if I can't be good enough for him? What if because of everything that happened with Chris I'm just suddenly messed up?" I say
"Communication, that's why you communicate, if he does something that upsets you, tell him, let him know how you're feeling, and if you feel like you can't give him 100 percent of you then that is fine, the only person you can be 100 percent yourself with is you," She says softly while I wipe the tears that are still streaming down my face
"He deserves so much better than me though," I say and I can feel her shake her head no "You can't decide that for him, you can't take away the option to love you. You have to let him decide if he wants to be with you," She says and I let out a big sigh of breath
"and if he was smart he'd choose not to be with me," I say sitting up "No if he was smart he'd choose you," Stella says shrugging
"I don't know, Stell," I say playing with the rings on my finger "I'm not going to force you to talk to him, but I strongly advise it, he's good for you, he makes you happy, please don't throw that away," Stella says
"I'll think about it," I say still looking down at my hands "Please do, if you need to talk about it, cry about it, scream about it, I live in the room right next to yours," She says laughing slightly at the last part
"I don't know what I'd do without you," I say looking at her and laughing "You probably would still be with Chris, shutting everyone out, and hating your life," She says with a smile and I laugh
"That'd be the worse possible life," I say and she nods her head up and down "Any life without me would be bad," She says while flipping her hair and I laugh
"Shut up," I say while shoving "Now, I have to go to an audition, but please text him," She says before standing up and walking toward her room
I stare at the TV not hearing a word coming from it while I think if I should just text Jack or not. I mean I do like him, and I want to be with him I just don't want to ruin his life because I can't handle my own feelings most of the time.
☆★☆
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altheagrey: haven't posted in a week, that's new.
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stellamiller: You're so pretty, babe ^altheagrey: I love you with my whole heart <3
jennaortega: I miss you ^altheagrey: I miss you more
jackchampion: Theaaaaaa ^altheagrey: Jackkkkkk
baileybass: I wanna hug you so bad ^altheagrey: we need to hug right now.
