Loving You Secretly

I'm Mark

You may think that I am putting my family aside, nope. I am just far away from them right now. I left them because I got hired by one of my friends here in province being a contractual construction worker under his company. My wife didn't want to come and live here since she said, she couldn't leave her parents in the capital city.

It helped, though. The distance gave me enough space and time to read Elle's letters.
I'm almost done reading them actually.

It was the letter before the last page that made me realize how pathetic our situation was. We still love each other and yet we couldn't be together. Not that we still can be together if she's alive, but our fate wouldn't really permit us to be together. It sucks.

...
It is Sunday today so I have decided to visit her grave. I needed to talk to her.

So, here I am sitting beside her grave with my tears flowing as I talk her, alone like crazy.
I don't care how people look at me as they walk by. They were all giving me this weird  look, judging me like I was a mentally retarded, I don't care at all.

The only thing I care right now is that how I miss her. The way she laugh and look at me like there were magnets dragging me close to her.

I was in my total momentum, reminiscing the days we've had together when there was this man came near me. He looked a little older than me, maybe one or two years older. He has young wrinkles in his face. His hair was a little messy. He was more muscular than I am but he's shorter, maybe 3-4".

"Hey, bro." he greeted and I just nodded, returning his greeting.

"Are you her husband?"  he asked while there's a frown plastered in his face.
"Oh, no no. I'm just a friend." I immediately answered. "Are you her friend too?" I asked in return.

He wiggled his head, "No, but we used to hang out together when we were still at the party age, ya'know. I used to be her boyfriend but we didn't last." he told me. "Oh, by the way I'm Virgon." he said as he stretched his arm to shake mine.
"Nice to meet you." I flatly uttered as I shook his hand in return. I didn't introduce myself because I don't have the appetite to tell so.

He was her ex. I battled this weird jealousy for a moment. I say it's weird because I don't have the right to feel it and that he was her ex. He's also a past tense like mine.

There was this awkward minutes of silence as he light a candle and put it on her grave.

Virgon made a side glance before he cleared his throat to break the silence. I stayed quiet.

"We didn't last, though. Our relationship was a mess. It started a mess." he muttered, starting a conversation with me. I, on the other hand, sat on the grassy ground and crossed my legs as I leaned forward with my elbows on my lap.

I looked at him and nodded, indicating for him to continue talking. He understood the gesture, I guess, as he continued.

"She said it wasn't right for her to continue our relationship. I've always known the reason before she even decided to tell me. It took her a month to have the courage to tell me." Virgon said as he sniffed. "She was still in love with a guy who named Mark. She said she tried but she couldn't forget about him."

I felt like I was being choked. Hearing this part of her past is killing me. She never mentioned that in her letters. For long years, she still loved me. It was my fault. She never moved on from loving me.

I started crying again while Virgon stood up, about to leave. I abruptly stood up and said, "I'm Mark." and he said, "I know. Nice to finally meet you in person, Mark." and with that, he left.