Loving You Secretly

Hoping For a Never (behind all lies)

I've always wanted to tell how sorry I was for cheating on her that day. Years already have passed.

I've regretted being an asshole that I was when I couldn't stand for her, even humiliated her in front of my so-called friends when I brought another girl on my birthday.

That day, I didn't expect Elle to come since she was miles away so I brought Jane together with my friends. She came to surprise me, I guess; but never in my mind have I intended to give a shock on her when she went in just to come face to face with Jane who was sitting on my lap that time...

She still smiled but I saw her eyes glossed with tears she was holding back.

That same day, I broke her heart.

She just witnessed me breaking all the plans and promises we've had.
I loved her and I still love her, but it's all too late to tell her that.

It has been a year since she passed away. I got a letter from her daughter. Oh, did I mention that she got married after she unexpectedly got pregnant by a guy who she thought would make her forget about me? Well then, I just did.

These letters I couldn't tell if these really were because they were like a whole book of her confessions. She still loves me; but when I said it was all too late, it's because I couldn't tell her the same anymore. She's gone and she's not coming back. It hurts me deeply. Guilt, pain, regret. These eat me every day as I read every page of her confessions.

I also got married and have a kid we named Prince because my wife thought I am her king so our child is a Prince. I love her but not the way how I love Elle which is I think is eternal.

The day I heard that Elle was getting married, it broke my heart. I wanted to go there and stop the wedding but I couldn't take the risk of her being embarrassed again especially in front of too many people.

I decided to build a family so that I could forget about Elle but it never happened. I was building my own family but I still couldn't stop myself loving Elle.

It broke my heart when I saw her carrying their baby. That baby was supposed to be ours. Elle's and mine, but I guess that this happens to people who were not brave enough to stand and be satisfied with only one.