🥀 Love Yourself | Jikook

🥀 Found myself tied and boundedIn this beautiful garden 🏰

It's our day off and we've gathered around the table to watch a fan cover of The Truth Untold that Tae said was really good.

The fan is a female k-army, under the username ARMY-BLINK💜. Her voice is beautiful and I agree that we should definitely like the video and leave a nice anonymous comment. Tae scrolls down to the comments to type out our compliments when I see it:

@anti1357 - wow ARMY-BLINK💜, this cover is so good, especially Jimin's part you sing some much better, you should take his place

I lI look away, and focus on listening to the cover again, ignoring it.

—

Jin hyung makes a delicious dinner as usual and we all eat together, but I can't stop thinking about that comment. Of course I know about antis but I can't believe someone would write something so rude, I mean they don't even know if we're going to see it.

When it's time to go to bed Kook and I head off to our room.

"You've been quiet, Minnie. Something on your mind?" Kook asks, hugging me from behind as I brush my teeth.

I finally answer "No, just tired."

He seems to accept this and heads to bed, I join him soon after.

—

I can't sleep, do people really think I'm that bad? I have to know.

Releasing myself from Kook's grip (not an easy feat) I open my phone and find the video, scrolling straight to the comments section. The comment is still there but now it has a reply . . . several in fact.

@anti1357 - wow ARMY-BLINK💜, this cover is so good, especially Jimin's part you sing some much better, you should take his place

> @hybrid-hater - totally! This song is actually great without that ugly hybrid.

> > @btsucks - yeah and people say he's the visuals, ugh! 🤮

> > > @Jimin-has-no-jams - ikr freak! 🐈🤡

I look at more comments, these ones from my latest selca titled: Sunny day with Jungkookie.

It's a full body mirror photo of us with the sunny skyline visible from the balcony behind us. I was so happy when we took this but now the smile on my face feels foreign.

There are comments here too, many good but a lot negative. One from a supposedly army user catches my eye.

@Taekook4life - literally ewww! Beautiful Jeon Jungkook . . . with him, but like Jimin is soo ugly tho. And you can see the fat on him. Jungkook needs to just get with Kim Taehyung instead.

(A/N Im fine with people shipping Taekook (I myself have written fic for them) but saying mean things to people who work so hard to be perfect for us is just unnecessary)

> @Jimin's-jams - first of all that's so rude, that's muscle, from dancing, and I bet he can dance so much better than any of us can! so pls be quiet.

> > @OT6 - if they're muscles from dancing then why's he so terrible at dancing then, honestly he's a joke, I bet Bang Pd just felt bad for him.

> > > @Solo-stan - he must have because Jimin can't even sing that well, he is literally so whiny.

And there are more on each of our music videos, mainly about how freakish my ears and tail are, how I should hide them, how a hybrid like me belongs on a circus stage not a concert stage.

Jungkookie always says my ears and tail are cute, he wouldn't lie to make me feel better would he? I look over at Jungkook then stand up to look in our mirror. They're right, I am fat, how did I not notice before. What else have I missed, I put in my AirPods and click on a BTS Run dance practice episode.

It gets to a part where I start singing my lines, I wince. It does sound awful and whiny, and as I watch the dance I can't help but notice that everyone else is so much better than me, my ears and tail swish awkwardly. At one point my unwieldy tail smacks Hobi-hyung. He laughs it off but can I see a hint of disgust in his face? Then I watch myself do aegyo to the camera, I don't look cute at all, I look like a fool then Tae joins in with his signature boxy smile. He looks so cute and yet still supernaturally beautiful at the same time.

Jealousy courses through me, I'm an awful person for being jealous of him but how can I not be when someone as perfect as Kim Taehyung is who Jungkook deserves, not me.

I click over to our channel looking at the comments sections. Each video is only more of the same, dozens and dozens of them. I see some of the same names but mostly they're all different. Do this many people actually hate our music just because of me? How many more fans would the other members have if I wasn't in the group? A lot. It's my fault, I'm dragging them down, but I can't leave the group, I'm far too selfish for that, and I hate it.

As I watch more Run Episodes I notice small things and realise something big: the other members don't actually like me, Hoseok-Hyung is always correcting me in dance, I'm always picked last or second to last for a team and Jin always serves me last. And Jungkook, well I knew he was too good to be true.

(A/N poor baby is reading all the social cues wrong)

I know what I'll do . . . I'll make myself worthy.

My eyes are wet with tears as I open my notes app and start a list.

Lose weight (at least 2 kg so small portions only)

Improve singing & dancing (practise longer)

No aegyo (don't embarrass Jungkook)

I set an alarm for 5:00 AM. I'll start early with dance practice tomorrow.

—

My alarm vibrates at 5:00 AM. I'm exhausted from staying up so late last night but I can afford to delay my plan.

I change taking care to hide my cumbersome tail and pressing down my ears, it kind of hurts but it's bearable. Then I get a taxi cab to the studio. It's cold and I realise I forgot my coat. Oh well, dancing will warm me up.

—

About 90 minutes later my phone dings, I don't need distractions but I catch a glimpse of the caller ID Kookie

I pick it up too hopefully. I shouldn't bae hopeful, he's probably just mad at me for leaving him. I'm such a horrible boyfriend, I make myself sick.

"Minnie! Where are you? I woke up and you were gone! No note or text or anything! Your coat's still here, it's freezing out, you'll catch a cold."

I listen carefully, the concern in his voice doesn't sound superficial but I can't be sure.

"I-I was just at the studio."

"The studio, since when?"

"I got up at 5:00AM, don't worry about me please. I just wanted to get a headstart on the routine."

"Minnie, of course I'm going to worry . . . we were all worried." Jungkook says, "Have you eaten? Please come back for breakfast, I'll come pick you up myself. I miss you."

Breakfast sounds wonderful right now but I remember the first item on my list. "It's okay I've already eaten, I packed a snack. You don't need to bother yourself this early, we'll just be coming right back."

"Oh." is all Jungkook says. My brain says he sounds disappointed but why would he be disappointed to not see me. Yet at the same time I feel like a terrible boyfriend for not spending time with him. Dancing more will surely make me feel better. Jungkook will be glad once I start losing some of this extra weight.

"Um well I'll see you soon." I say and hang up guiltily.(A/N: Where HaVe you been?! Car gone, no note! You could've DiEd, you could've been SeEn!)