The things I wish never happened

Chapter 21

*Jimin's pov*

I wanted to hit myself. But instead I just hugged  Ronnie. "Just like when I talked. You say everything then at the end both of us will talk okay."

"Okay." I managed to squeak out. I looked around the room then back to her. She was covered with a gray blanket, it was draped over her shoulders. She had tears in her eyes and I just kept wiping them and placing kisses instead.

"In high school..." I looked at her. "We had sex for the first time and I realized that was one of the best feelings in the world, but I don't think thats where my story starts." I bit my lip. I was waiting for her to say something anything, but she just nodded for me to continue. "Ever since I was little... my dad used to bring random women home and he'd bring them to the bedroom..." I looked at her and almost wished she could talk to me. "It was an every day thing. My mom knew. She would stay downstairs and act like it wasn't happening." Ronnie's eyes widened. "I didn't understand why for awhile not even after the first time we had sex." I sighed.

"It's fine I won't get angry no matter what. Keep going."

"You were enough." I choked up. "I loved you only you. Your body. I couldn't understand why he'd cheat on my mom at that point. And I didn't understand why she stayed. He'd be upstairs with some random women and my mom would be humming in the kitchen making dinner. I didn't understand until... I came home from college and you flinched if I even touched you." I cried.

She pulled me in for a hug. "You didn't know Jimin."

"I should have fought harder with you that day. I should have figured out why. When I'd touch you...you'd jump.... We couldn't have sex. You just.... Shut down and would look at me in horror. But I loved you. I loved you so much. No, correction.... I still love you. But I thought you no longer desired me in that way. I thought maybe this is exactly why.... Why my parents had that arrangement." I looked down feeling shame. She was raped and I just wanted sex. I didn't know... I should have known. "So I decided sex didn't mean love. Sex was sex. Love was love. And decided without a conversation to you or to my parents to find out why that dynamic was happening.... I wanted to be in love with you and be able to have freedom. Please talk."

She looked sad but like she understood. "I allowed the cheating. I thought because you didn't leave me.... You loved me."

"And I do love you." I looked at her. "I liked... loved... the way sex made me feel so wanted and desired. I didn't care who gave me it. Man, women, both."

She bit her lip. "But.",

"But I made a mistake too." I looked down. "I got lost in the lifestyle, forgetting about the person I loved." I bit my lip. "I brought MaRi into our home. I knew you had suspicions but you never saw or had evidence. I made it that way. I wanted you to doubt yourself. I didn't want you to walk away. I brought her home and I didn't ask her before sex if she was on birth control. And you walked in and the opportunity to ask never came. Although that is not your fault. I never should have said it was." I sighed. "A few months later we went out to eat. I knew she was pregnant with my baby."

"I did too." I looked down.

"But I begged her not to tell you, but she didn't agree for me... she agreed for you. Now I wish I had just told you. I told her I'd pay for an abortion. And now..."

"Listen Jimin." She lifted my face. "We both have our flaws. And we needed to be more honest."

"Thats correct, just my flaws were... were worse." I looked back down. "My parents weren't cheating. My dad had permission. They were polyamorous..." I looked up to her. To see her face. "Consent.... Consent is important. And every time I laid down with someone else.... Your consent wasn't there. I'm sorry." I let the tear drop fall.

She wiped it before it even rolled down my cheek. "Jimin I love you."

"I love you too."

"But..." she looked away. "I can't be a step mom to a child born like this." She pulled her ring back off and gently placed it in my hand. "Give that baby a good father Jimin."she kissed me.

"No wait. Please." I grabbed her arm. "Please don't go. Don't say this is over."

"Please let me go."

"Hear me out first." I sighed as she sat back down. "I'll give up everything for you to stay just... just don't leave."

"Jimin I just lost my baby. And that baby is a reminder...."

"Who would you be with?"

"Nobody."

"Can we try to make it work one last time?"

"Jiminah..."

"Please. You don't have to meet or be near the baby. I wont either."

"No thats unfair to the baby. He or she didn't ask to be born."

I bit my lip she was right it was my choice to make a baby. "I can't lose you.",

"Then we'll need to set clear boundaries. And give it one last shot."

"I have a question." I looked at her. She nodded for me to continue. "Would you try IVF again?"

She smiled. "Yes."

"One more question."

"Okay...."

"Would you be willing to see a sex therapist with me so we can figure out how to be compatible together."

"Also yes." She grinned.

AN; the last 3 Chapters are alternate endings because this book has no correct ending should she stay? Should she leave? Should they deep dive into sharing each other? Theres no correct answer. Each relationship is different. Different feelings arise. And even once boundaries are set sometimes they're broken or a partner may feel no longer okay with boundaries set. So with that heres the end.