The things I wish never happened

Chapter 5*

*this chapter was written to Without me (with Juice WRLD) by Halsey

(Theres only talks of smut this chapter no actual smut)

*ronnie pov*

I walked into the house ready to talk to Jimin, but to my surprise I heard moaning. I stood there at the door. The bag I had in my hand dropped to the floor spilling the contents of food all over the freshly cleaned kitchen.

It's just porn. I told myself. It had to be. Because the alternative makes this too real. I felt the tears pouring out of my eyes. Because I knew that wasn't what it was.

Jimin's keys sat on a small table near the door. I gulped not sure I wanted to know what was happening, none the less my feet betrayed me and walked down the hall and up the stairs to our bedroom.

The sounds were louder. I stopped outside of the door. I heard him. Jimin. Speak. I got butterflies in my stomach and not the good kind, the kind you got when you witnessed something you didn't want to.

I reached my hand for the door knob then immediately pulled my hand back and covered my mouth. Is it worth seeing? Is it worth walking in on? I went to turn around. I wanted to turn around. But found myself opening the door.

I heard a noise leave my throat and both of them looked at me. Jimin's mouth wide open in shock. The girl blushed, she was embarrassed.

I slapped a hand over my mouth knowing I was about to start ugly crying, or throw up, maybe both. Jimin and me didn't lose eye contact.

"I'm gonna go." The girl got up and threw on clothes I assume she wore here then she snuck behind me and ran out of our house. I hope she at least called a cab.

"How could you?" I whispered and turned around.

"Ronnie wait." Jimin grabbed me fear in his eyes.

"Let me go." I gently tugged my arm. He didn't let go.

"Please Ronnie don't go." He held my arm tighter and i turned around and slapped him across his face. I was shocked at this action. He was stunned too.

"Fuck you." I said.Cringing at my own words. Without thinking I slapped him again this time harder. "How? Why?"

"Can we talk about this later?" He sighed. He looked defeated

"There's nothing to talk about." I eyed him. I felt my lips trembling as I went to leave.

"Please don't walk away." He whispered. Tears on his own cheeks.

"You just..." I cut myself off. He knew what he did repeating it wouldn't be beneficial.

"I'm sorry." He looked down.

"My heart hurts." I looked down too.

"We can fix this." He looked up at me with his big brown eyes. The same ones I fell in love with.

"I don't know Jimin..."

"I'm sorry." He repeated walking over to me and kissing me on the cheek.

I shivered at the idea of where his mouth had been prior. "I can't do this Jimin."

His arms wrapped around me. "How can I make this up to you? Anything name it, I'll do it."

I looked at him. I just wanted him and to be family. To start our family. None of this. "I just want you to want this as much as I do Jimin."

"What about a new pair of sneakers? Spa day?" He grinned. Did he not hear me?

"You're not listening to me." I whispered.

"Hm?" He looked up with an innocent smile.

"I just want you to want this as bad as I do."

"I already do. What about a couples spa day?" He pulled me in for a hug and I pushed him away.

"Take a shower. You smell like a whore." I growled and walked out of the room.

I could hear him turn the shower water on. I could hear him singing in the shower. As if he didn't just completely cheat on me I felt sick. I sat on the leather couch and pulled my knees to my chin. I hated this. I needed to know why.

After about 20 minutes Jimin walked out to me. His towel wrapped around his waist showing his impossibly attractive body. I just sighed then stared at his tattoo. "Nevermind". Me too tattoo, me too.

"Can we talk about it now?" He sat down next to me.

"Can't you be dressed for the conversation?"

He shrugged. "I want to fix this right now and not keep delaying it."

I sighed and walked to our bedroom hoping maybe he'd just change once in there. I plopped on the bed and he as predicted dropped his towel off and stepped into a pair of boxers.

"I wanted a family with you Jimin." I said in more of a whine than intended.

He pulled on a pair of gray sweat pants. Jumping into them more so than anything. "I want that too but the doctor said you'd need IVF right?"

I watched him throw on a white cotton shirt his hair spiking up from being wet. I nodded. "That's right."

"So lets book an appointment then." He took his towel and ruffled it through his wet hair.

"Wait what?"

"If thats what will make you forgive me, then lets do it." He grinned.

"Do you want a baby?" I looked at him tilting my head.

"Of course jagiya." He stepped closer kissing my forehead. "I want anything you want."

I smiled at his words but then frowned. "How can we raise a baby... no a person... together if you can't.... Stop cheating"

"I said I was sorry." He grinned. "Can't you forgive me?"

I blinked at him as I watched him walk over to my small bedroom desk and pull out the paper the doctor gave us about a year ago about a nearby fertility clinic. He handed it to me.

"I can take any day you want out of work so just let me know jagiya." He kissed me sweetly on the lips. "I love you.",

I didn't respond I just stared at the brochure for the best fertility clinic there was to offer. Was this the answer?

"We should still go on a couples spa day." He stated. "I'll book that okay?" I nodded and made an mhm sound as he walked out of our bedroom. "I'll change the bedsheets a little later." He yelled as he walked away.

Suddenly I didn't feel so safe and comforted in my own bed. I could feel that other girls germs all over my skin. I was the one who needed a shower. Was it possible to scrub away a memory too?