The things I wish never happened

Chapter 18*

In italics is ronnie
In normal font is Jimin

I was drunk.

I couldn't stop crying.

A girl I didn't know, hands slid down my body.

I crumbled up in a ball on Jungkook's couch holding him.

I was numb.

Everything hurt. I could feel everything. It hurt. My heart hurt.

How could I have said those things to her.

How could he have said those things...

I didn't mean them.

Did he mean them?

The girl unbuttoned my pants sliding them off of me.

"You should get changed." Jungkook stood up and went to his room, he walked back with a pair of pants. "It might feel nice to be in lose clothes?" I slid my pants off of me not accepting his clothes, just sitting in a large tshirt and my underwear.

I threw my head back and moaned as the girl put her mouth over my length.

I leaned into my arms and sobbed not wanting to live.

If Ronnie loved me why didn't she touch me like this?

If I got over my PTSD maybe... maybe I could have been better for him. I could give him everything he wanted.

She doesn't know what it's like to need assurance your body is good enough.

He doesn't know what it's like to feel like no matter how hard I scrubbed my body I can't get the touch of the man who raped me off of me.

I let a tear roll down my cheek. I missed Ronnie.

I missed Jimin.

"Is everything okay Mr. Park?" The girls doe eyes looked up at me as she bobbed her head back down.

"It will be okay." Jungkook wrapped his arms back around me and hugged me. He placed a soft kiss on my temple.

I moaned at the sensation trying to clear my head.

I shivered under Jungkook's touch. It was warm and inviting. "Don't let go." I looked at him. "Please."

"Don't stop." I moaned holding her pony tail. "Fuck."